termenung..

tiada yang kurang, tapi mengapa aku merasa tak menentu?
menyiapkan hati untuk pilihan yang sulit yang harus dibuat, tapi apa yang harus kukatakan untuk memulai ini semua?
mengapa bulan januari kurasa lama? tapi mengapa waktu terasa menggurita ku?
aah..aku termenung dan berdoa kau mau berkompromi.
jam terus berdetak, sampai akhirnya tiba di moment kita harus membuat keputusan.
Ooohh..mengapa kita tidak bisa menikmati begini saja?
apakah cuaca seperti bersimpati padaku?
matahari enggan memperlihatkan keemasannya, ah entahlah, alam seperti tahu kesedihanku.
melepas, mempertahankan itu yang dikatakan keputusan.
termenung menunggumu dengan harap harap cemas.
sungguh aku tak mau kau tahu kecemasanku.


untuk kamu yang membuatku menunggumu dengan kecemasan semalam.
apapun yang kau pilih, ingatlah kita pernah memiliki kenangan indah.

..just like a little gurl missing her blanket..

...aah today i miss my best friend, a lot ..lot.
i remember when we are playing together, we teased each other.
i remember when he said "u look so pretty in this gown"
aaah i miss you friend.
when you giving me a candy and you put it in my mouth.
when you holding my hand all the way.
when you watch my step, walk up & down the stairs.
when you put your hand around my shoulder..
when you smile because you intend to give me a flower.
just like a little girl missing her blanket, i miss you friend today.

I MISS YOU

I miss my boyfriend a lot today!
bukannya rasa itu menyurut tapi semakin bertambah..
He's called me at midnight just said he's thinking 'bout me..
yeah boy! you turn me on. i miss my boyfriend at friday afternoon.

..sahabat..

Btw kita da di level mana ya maleo2? Teman ato da sahabat ya?...hehehe…hehe. Ini pertanyaan butuh di jawab loh…

Pertanyaan yang datang dari salah satu sahabat cewe gue. Gue jawab kita dah di level sahabat. Tapi persahabatan itu butuh 'cost' bukan hanya waktu tapi juga pikiran, tenaga dan uang.

Mempunyai satu sahabat sejati lebih berharga dari seribu teman yang mementingkan diri sendiri.
Apa yang kita alami demi teman kadang-kadang melelahkan dan menjengkelkan, tetapi itulah yang membuat persahabatan mempunyai nilai yang indah.
Persahabatan sering menyuguhkan beberapa cobaan, tetapi
persahabatan sejati bisa mengatasi cobaan itu bahkan bertumbuh bersama karenanya...
Persahabatan tidak terjalin secara otomatis tetapi membutuhkan proses yang panjang seperti besi menajamkan besi, demikianlah sahabat menajamkan sahabatnya..
Persahabatan diwarnai dengan berbagai pengalaman suka dan duka, dihibur - disakiti, diperhatikan - dikecewakan, didengar - diabaikan, dibantu - ditolak, namun semua ini tidak pernah sengaja dilakukan dengan tujuan kebencian..
Seorang sahabat tidak akan menyembunyikan kesalahan untuk menghindari perselisihan, justru karena kasihnya ia memberanikan diri menegur apa adanya.
Sahabat tidak pernah membungkus pukulan dengan ciuman, tetapi menyatakan apa yang amat menyakitkan dengan tujuan sahabatnya mau berubah.
Proses dari teman menjadi sahabat membutuhkan usaha pemeliharaan dari kesetiaan, tetapi bukan pada saat kita membutuhkan bantuan barulah kita memiliki motivasi mencari perhatian, pertolongan dan pernyataaan kasih dari orang lain, tetapi justru ia berinisiatif memberikan dan mewujudkan apa yang dibutuhkan oleh sahabatnya.
Kerinduannya adalah menjadi bagian dari kehidupan sahabatnya, karena tidak ada persahabatan yang diawali dengan sikap egoistis.
Semua orang pasti membutuhkan sahabat sejati, namun tidak semua orang berhasil mendapatkannya.
Banyak pula orang yang telah menikmati indahnya persahabatan, namun ada juga yang begitu hancur karena dikhianati sahabatnya.
Ingatlah kapan terakhir kali anda berada dalam kesulitan. Siapa yang berada di samping anda ???
Siapa yang mengasihi anda saat anda merasa tidak dicintai ??
Siapa yang ingin bersama anda saat anda tak bisa memberikan apa-apa ??
MEREKALAH SAHABAT ANDA
Hargai dan peliharalah selalu persahabatan anda dengan mereka.
Dalam masa kejayaan, teman-teman mengenal kita. Dalam kesengsaraan, kita mengenal teman-teman kita.

it felt so good

Remember the first day we had an argument, we apologized and then we compromised
and we've haven't argued since. Remember the first day we stopped playing games
Remember the first day you fell in love with me
Those words taken from Destiny's Child song with title Brown eyes. Although his eyes not brown but the way he cares about me so special, and I care 'bout him a lot too. I've been falling in love before but never felt like this before. I can see this feeling growing like a nail each day. I never expected this much and this far, and I don't want 100% confidence with this feeling, but each time I see his smile, the feeling start growing.
Although before, i try to hide this feeling, try to burned it, but I failed. Also there were times we had some argument but then we apologized, and starting all over again. He seems not giving up with me and I do my best to keep my good score in his eyes.
I don't know why it felt so good and..
Maybe this is it I finally find the one to be with every day?

This is i promised to you

last night got time to think about the way we used to be and you are the one who stand as a friend for quite a long time. you are supposed 'just a friend of mine' and now turn out more than just friend. i'm glad that you can be a friend and a lover, the combination that almost perfect and this is what people looking in their spouse.
so, i promise to you: i'll cherish you, i'll be a kind girl and i'll not let you go away from my days..

i was kissin' valentino

kalo boleh kupinta, ku mau kamu
kalo boleh kuhabiskan waktu, ku ingin bersamamu
kalo aku harus pergi, ku mau kau menemani
bila ku harus berpisah denganmu, ku minta kau menungguku
haruskah ada rasa cinta di hati?
haruskah ada kebencian di hati?
ku ingin hanya menyayangimu sebagai sahabat
walau kadang aku mengecewakanmu
walau kadang kau membuatku jengkel
tapi aku tidak bisa lagi sayang sebagai sahabat
i was kissin' you
and i like it

untuk bo & my valentino

..Only time..

reading my blog again today, i can't believed i wrote those things in here. here is what i wrote a year ago.. many times what we have been predicted before never happen, or getting worse..but many times what we never wish for...come to our way and bring so much joy and laughter !
how come i've thought that way? perhaps it's called maturity? ketika kita bisa menertawakan apa yang telah kita alami di masa lalu.
only time who can heal our pain, and only time who can answer it, wethere we can forgive it or not. karena masih suasana lebaran, yang katanya bulan ramadhan dimana kita kembali ke fitrah (btw fitrah apa sih?) baiknya meminta maap dan memaapkan orang yang pernah menyakiti dan tersakiti, agar kita bisa membuat kesalahan yang sama? hehehe..
hmm..meminta maaf dan memaafkan sama sulitnya, karena ego kita, kalau nurutin ego pasti kita berpikir iih ngapain gue minta maaf sama dia or dia yang salah harusnya dia yang minta maaf. kalau kita punya banyak cinta kita bisa lebih mudah memaafkan orang lain. namun karena kita manusia yang mahluk egois yah begini lah kita, meminta maaf saja penuh pertimbangan dan prasangka.
But sebenarnya lebih baik mempunyai sikap tulus ketika kita memafkan bukan hanya lip service aja ketika kita meminta maaf dan meminta maaf.
maafin gue yah dengan segala kekurangan sebagai manusia.

adakah

adakah kutemui yang lain seindah bulan di waktu purnama?

adakah kudapatkan bila kuminta engkau di sisiku

seiring waktu yang terus melintas tanpa pernah berputar

kuingin engkau seperti teman seperjalanan

mengiringi setiap langkah kakiku

terus tanpa pernah lelah

mengayunkan kaki

kadang berjalan pelan, kadang berlari

jangan pernah berhenti

karena rasa itu terus bertumbuh

aku yang menyayangimu

100 % sure

Have you ever feel 100 % sure in making one decission?
Mungkin tidak perlu 100% yakin tapi lebih dari 65% yakin saja sudah cukup untuk membuat keputusan yang baik. I learn my lesson, don't make any decission that against your heart. Once your heart doubted it will lead you to bad choice.
Semua orang bisa memberikan masukan, saran dan pengalaman-pengalaman mereka, tapi in the end i listen to my heart.
Biar kata hati menjadi kompas dalam membuat pilihan!

..a long way to find the answer

i've been trying my best to make this relations stay on track but sometimes even a machine out of orders too. what about the heart of human? sometimes bleeding, sometimes colorfull, sometimes need to break to continue running.
i can fool everybody but i can't fool myself anylonger...
i need a time of my own, to listen my heart, so i can prepare for the next step.
why it takes me so long to have the answer of my questions and why now?

(stay committed to your decisions; but stay flexible in your approach)

good luck with your existing plan!

i believe something happen in purpose, it hurts a little when he said that things, it means he doesn't want to be included in my plan. but actions speaks louder than words. he can says a millions things about his plans but too late, he said that when the things already louzy. actually what is inside someone heart and mind it's the first time comes out from his/her mouth..
He's not trusting his heart to anyone.. and he doesn't want to get hurt anymore, but he did know.
and i learn a WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
this time i choose to walk away!

back on track

back on track..
that's what i do during this week, still i can't make any decission as i want to do, but indeed i make a good decission, and i'm happy for that.
last weekend i was feeling bad, as i move too fast but he didn't but now i'm the one who held the key. if he's leaving me, no problem, because i know i've done my best.
and by the way i like this quotation...
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. James C. Dobson

..........once i make a mistake..

kuman di tepi laut tampak, gajah di pelupuk mata tidak terlihat. pernah dengar kan peribahasa ini.
i know i make a mistake just like another gurl, and if i could turn the time i prefer to seal my lips instead of saying that words. i will rather lay back and relax and enjoy the time spent together.
..and now after what happen what should i do next?
i think the only solutions is being a calm girl, don't push too much, after all i know that i've done the best thing.
so now just wait and see and believe in time, with hope that time will bring me the good one.
i'm sure will....

So it is.........?

i must let my friend continue his life.
one day without his news, his voice (the way he called me sayang sangat pas!)
we know something growing inside but too bad he doesn't want to comprimized
and i should decide, i can't continue waiting on his list.
so even it breaks my heart, the choose are made.
although part of my mind still questioning if i stay could he try?
but i know that i will be proud because there were times when he belongs to me, when we share the laughter and tears together.

..saying goodbye is never an easy way to do

almost cried when i heard you say you want to stay besides me forever (sampai kapanpun)....

i never thought i'll be able to say good bye but last time i saw you, i said that and the cost for that? i broke my heart too.

there's a cost for everything, if i stay and choose you, i lost something and if i choose to say good bye i lost the best thing in my life.

i choose to leave, even this good bye never an easy way to made, but what is life after all? hidup adalah pilihan..life is a choice!

No need credit card

Senin lalu tagihan kartu kredit datang. Minimum ammount, 50,000 IDR. Total ammount 120,000 IDR untuk keanggotaan selama setahun, dengan bunga 3,25%
Selama gue punya kartu kredit, hanya 3 atau 4 kali gue pakai, selebihnya always used debet card. Tanpa berpikir panjang, gue tutup aja itu kartu. Ketika gue telpon CS BII, di tanya mengapa ibu mau menutup kartunya? alasannya... saya tidak butuh mba (dan jawaban ini sangat memuaskan mba CS) terbukti tidak ada lagi pertanyaan tambahan.
Tahun 2006 ini bentar lagi usai, bisa ngga yah dalam 4 bulan gue nabung 4 juta untuk jalan-jalan ke KL dan Sin or at least Singapore dulu. hehe..
I wish gue punya 100 juta aja, gue mau invest aja.. masukan dalam deposito atau main dalam danareksa.
Kapan yah tabungan gue bisa segitu????

thank God i found you..

if you keeping me warm each and every night i'll be alright !
and now i'm thankfull because i found you here, completed my whole life. looking back the years, now i realized something happen in the purpose.
even masih belum jelas kapan dan bagaimana paling tidak satu tahapan telah usai, yaitu pacaran di dunia maya. Huahaha..so finally he's back to the country where poverty is the common things.
tahapan-tahapan yang laen sepertinya lebih simple, just wait and relax everything is gonna be okay! that's what i believe, i know that i don't expect much but i love the way he smile, his tender voice can make me smile too. i enjoy his companion but i know he can make me feel 'burn' and it's enough for me.

the x-files..mantan mantan (tersayang)

a week full of temptation and so much fun :D & yes still i enjoy the game that continue playing :P
a long time ago after second broke up with the same (mantan) i prayed to God that i don't want to see him again not until i have a new bf. silly prayers isn't?
and then time brought me met a new guy that so nice, and we started to go dated and when finally he asked to be my bf, i feel i will make a bad decission if i stay with him. i didn't feel i miss him when he's not around, i feel we just stays as a friend. and as i predict before he will not waiting for long to find a new girl, but we still a good friend, we keep in touch and he played a good host when i visited him. isn't great? and then my notte mind curious to find out if i still in his heart or not, then i got conclusion he's move on and continue life. i'll be happy if he's happy specially when he's found out someone that could cherish him and love him as he want to be.
the other mantan..i have a short crush with more than one guy but now i don't feel it relevant to discuss it because we just go on dated and decide we can't move on to another level.
finally i met a new and old guy, i've known him before, and we try to go on date but until now we didn't go for a date :P
something that makes me dare to dream again, i miss him if he's not around, and i feel something the last time we meet before he's leaving..something that i can't described it (not yet)
sometimes i feel unsure but i never let my doubt wraped me, everytime i feel that way, i prefer to think positively. but temptation comes when we less expect it :P one day he said he feels unsure (ragu) because of that i realized i walk to fast and i leave him behind. he's a kind of person who starts falling in love in a slow way! and i'm a big believer that love at first sight can be happen!
and i think i meet someone that knocks me off. i finally found someone that i want to hug and be besides him each day. i try not to gave him attention because i don't want to start falling to him until i can't hide anymore that the feeling is going strong.

cinta itu seperti permainan menakutkan di pekan raya--sewaktu di dalamnya kau ingin keluar, dan ketika di luar kau ingin segera masuk kembali.
"rasanya amat menyenangkan bisa bersama seseorang yang membuatku tertarik tapi di sisi lain aku takut kau akan membuatku patah hati" (dikutip dari buku the ex-files mantan-mantan tersayang oleh Jane moore)

great july, great sale, travel til you drop

not just sale, big discount held in july, since july is a summer, for most of the people living on earth, july is a love month, when love starts on summer and ended in winter? i hope not..not at all. remember positive thinking, you can be what ever you wanna be.
last july, i went traveling (which is one of my hobbies) with cousins and a friend of mine. jakarta tour, bogor, bandung tour and at the end of july i went to bogor again.