termenung..

tiada yang kurang, tapi mengapa aku merasa tak menentu?
menyiapkan hati untuk pilihan yang sulit yang harus dibuat, tapi apa yang harus kukatakan untuk memulai ini semua?
mengapa bulan januari kurasa lama? tapi mengapa waktu terasa menggurita ku?
aah..aku termenung dan berdoa kau mau berkompromi.
jam terus berdetak, sampai akhirnya tiba di moment kita harus membuat keputusan.
Ooohh..mengapa kita tidak bisa menikmati begini saja?
apakah cuaca seperti bersimpati padaku?
matahari enggan memperlihatkan keemasannya, ah entahlah, alam seperti tahu kesedihanku.
melepas, mempertahankan itu yang dikatakan keputusan.
termenung menunggumu dengan harap harap cemas.
sungguh aku tak mau kau tahu kecemasanku.


untuk kamu yang membuatku menunggumu dengan kecemasan semalam.
apapun yang kau pilih, ingatlah kita pernah memiliki kenangan indah.

..just like a little gurl missing her blanket..

...aah today i miss my best friend, a lot ..lot.
i remember when we are playing together, we teased each other.
i remember when he said "u look so pretty in this gown"
aaah i miss you friend.
when you giving me a candy and you put it in my mouth.
when you holding my hand all the way.
when you watch my step, walk up & down the stairs.
when you put your hand around my shoulder..
when you smile because you intend to give me a flower.
just like a little girl missing her blanket, i miss you friend today.

I MISS YOU

I miss my boyfriend a lot today!
bukannya rasa itu menyurut tapi semakin bertambah..
He's called me at midnight just said he's thinking 'bout me..
yeah boy! you turn me on. i miss my boyfriend at friday afternoon.

..sahabat..

Btw kita da di level mana ya maleo2? Teman ato da sahabat ya?...hehehe…hehe. Ini pertanyaan butuh di jawab loh…

Pertanyaan yang datang dari salah satu sahabat cewe gue. Gue jawab kita dah di level sahabat. Tapi persahabatan itu butuh 'cost' bukan hanya waktu tapi juga pikiran, tenaga dan uang.

Mempunyai satu sahabat sejati lebih berharga dari seribu teman yang mementingkan diri sendiri.
Apa yang kita alami demi teman kadang-kadang melelahkan dan menjengkelkan, tetapi itulah yang membuat persahabatan mempunyai nilai yang indah.
Persahabatan sering menyuguhkan beberapa cobaan, tetapi
persahabatan sejati bisa mengatasi cobaan itu bahkan bertumbuh bersama karenanya...
Persahabatan tidak terjalin secara otomatis tetapi membutuhkan proses yang panjang seperti besi menajamkan besi, demikianlah sahabat menajamkan sahabatnya..
Persahabatan diwarnai dengan berbagai pengalaman suka dan duka, dihibur - disakiti, diperhatikan - dikecewakan, didengar - diabaikan, dibantu - ditolak, namun semua ini tidak pernah sengaja dilakukan dengan tujuan kebencian..
Seorang sahabat tidak akan menyembunyikan kesalahan untuk menghindari perselisihan, justru karena kasihnya ia memberanikan diri menegur apa adanya.
Sahabat tidak pernah membungkus pukulan dengan ciuman, tetapi menyatakan apa yang amat menyakitkan dengan tujuan sahabatnya mau berubah.
Proses dari teman menjadi sahabat membutuhkan usaha pemeliharaan dari kesetiaan, tetapi bukan pada saat kita membutuhkan bantuan barulah kita memiliki motivasi mencari perhatian, pertolongan dan pernyataaan kasih dari orang lain, tetapi justru ia berinisiatif memberikan dan mewujudkan apa yang dibutuhkan oleh sahabatnya.
Kerinduannya adalah menjadi bagian dari kehidupan sahabatnya, karena tidak ada persahabatan yang diawali dengan sikap egoistis.
Semua orang pasti membutuhkan sahabat sejati, namun tidak semua orang berhasil mendapatkannya.
Banyak pula orang yang telah menikmati indahnya persahabatan, namun ada juga yang begitu hancur karena dikhianati sahabatnya.
Ingatlah kapan terakhir kali anda berada dalam kesulitan. Siapa yang berada di samping anda ???
Siapa yang mengasihi anda saat anda merasa tidak dicintai ??
Siapa yang ingin bersama anda saat anda tak bisa memberikan apa-apa ??
MEREKALAH SAHABAT ANDA
Hargai dan peliharalah selalu persahabatan anda dengan mereka.
Dalam masa kejayaan, teman-teman mengenal kita. Dalam kesengsaraan, kita mengenal teman-teman kita.

it felt so good

Remember the first day we had an argument, we apologized and then we compromised
and we've haven't argued since. Remember the first day we stopped playing games
Remember the first day you fell in love with me
Those words taken from Destiny's Child song with title Brown eyes. Although his eyes not brown but the way he cares about me so special, and I care 'bout him a lot too. I've been falling in love before but never felt like this before. I can see this feeling growing like a nail each day. I never expected this much and this far, and I don't want 100% confidence with this feeling, but each time I see his smile, the feeling start growing.
Although before, i try to hide this feeling, try to burned it, but I failed. Also there were times we had some argument but then we apologized, and starting all over again. He seems not giving up with me and I do my best to keep my good score in his eyes.
I don't know why it felt so good and..
Maybe this is it I finally find the one to be with every day?

This is i promised to you

last night got time to think about the way we used to be and you are the one who stand as a friend for quite a long time. you are supposed 'just a friend of mine' and now turn out more than just friend. i'm glad that you can be a friend and a lover, the combination that almost perfect and this is what people looking in their spouse.
so, i promise to you: i'll cherish you, i'll be a kind girl and i'll not let you go away from my days..

i was kissin' valentino

kalo boleh kupinta, ku mau kamu
kalo boleh kuhabiskan waktu, ku ingin bersamamu
kalo aku harus pergi, ku mau kau menemani
bila ku harus berpisah denganmu, ku minta kau menungguku
haruskah ada rasa cinta di hati?
haruskah ada kebencian di hati?
ku ingin hanya menyayangimu sebagai sahabat
walau kadang aku mengecewakanmu
walau kadang kau membuatku jengkel
tapi aku tidak bisa lagi sayang sebagai sahabat
i was kissin' you
and i like it

untuk bo & my valentino

..Only time..

reading my blog again today, i can't believed i wrote those things in here. here is what i wrote a year ago.. many times what we have been predicted before never happen, or getting worse..but many times what we never wish for...come to our way and bring so much joy and laughter !
how come i've thought that way? perhaps it's called maturity? ketika kita bisa menertawakan apa yang telah kita alami di masa lalu.
only time who can heal our pain, and only time who can answer it, wethere we can forgive it or not. karena masih suasana lebaran, yang katanya bulan ramadhan dimana kita kembali ke fitrah (btw fitrah apa sih?) baiknya meminta maap dan memaapkan orang yang pernah menyakiti dan tersakiti, agar kita bisa membuat kesalahan yang sama? hehehe..
hmm..meminta maaf dan memaafkan sama sulitnya, karena ego kita, kalau nurutin ego pasti kita berpikir iih ngapain gue minta maaf sama dia or dia yang salah harusnya dia yang minta maaf. kalau kita punya banyak cinta kita bisa lebih mudah memaafkan orang lain. namun karena kita manusia yang mahluk egois yah begini lah kita, meminta maaf saja penuh pertimbangan dan prasangka.
But sebenarnya lebih baik mempunyai sikap tulus ketika kita memafkan bukan hanya lip service aja ketika kita meminta maaf dan meminta maaf.
maafin gue yah dengan segala kekurangan sebagai manusia.

adakah

adakah kutemui yang lain seindah bulan di waktu purnama?

adakah kudapatkan bila kuminta engkau di sisiku

seiring waktu yang terus melintas tanpa pernah berputar

kuingin engkau seperti teman seperjalanan

mengiringi setiap langkah kakiku

terus tanpa pernah lelah

mengayunkan kaki

kadang berjalan pelan, kadang berlari

jangan pernah berhenti

karena rasa itu terus bertumbuh

aku yang menyayangimu

100 % sure

Have you ever feel 100 % sure in making one decission?
Mungkin tidak perlu 100% yakin tapi lebih dari 65% yakin saja sudah cukup untuk membuat keputusan yang baik. I learn my lesson, don't make any decission that against your heart. Once your heart doubted it will lead you to bad choice.
Semua orang bisa memberikan masukan, saran dan pengalaman-pengalaman mereka, tapi in the end i listen to my heart.
Biar kata hati menjadi kompas dalam membuat pilihan!

..a long way to find the answer

i've been trying my best to make this relations stay on track but sometimes even a machine out of orders too. what about the heart of human? sometimes bleeding, sometimes colorfull, sometimes need to break to continue running.
i can fool everybody but i can't fool myself anylonger...
i need a time of my own, to listen my heart, so i can prepare for the next step.
why it takes me so long to have the answer of my questions and why now?

(stay committed to your decisions; but stay flexible in your approach)

good luck with your existing plan!

i believe something happen in purpose, it hurts a little when he said that things, it means he doesn't want to be included in my plan. but actions speaks louder than words. he can says a millions things about his plans but too late, he said that when the things already louzy. actually what is inside someone heart and mind it's the first time comes out from his/her mouth..
He's not trusting his heart to anyone.. and he doesn't want to get hurt anymore, but he did know.
and i learn a WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
this time i choose to walk away!

back on track

back on track..
that's what i do during this week, still i can't make any decission as i want to do, but indeed i make a good decission, and i'm happy for that.
last weekend i was feeling bad, as i move too fast but he didn't but now i'm the one who held the key. if he's leaving me, no problem, because i know i've done my best.
and by the way i like this quotation...
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. James C. Dobson

..........once i make a mistake..

kuman di tepi laut tampak, gajah di pelupuk mata tidak terlihat. pernah dengar kan peribahasa ini.
i know i make a mistake just like another gurl, and if i could turn the time i prefer to seal my lips instead of saying that words. i will rather lay back and relax and enjoy the time spent together.
..and now after what happen what should i do next?
i think the only solutions is being a calm girl, don't push too much, after all i know that i've done the best thing.
so now just wait and see and believe in time, with hope that time will bring me the good one.
i'm sure will....

So it is.........?

i must let my friend continue his life.
one day without his news, his voice (the way he called me sayang sangat pas!)
we know something growing inside but too bad he doesn't want to comprimized
and i should decide, i can't continue waiting on his list.
so even it breaks my heart, the choose are made.
although part of my mind still questioning if i stay could he try?
but i know that i will be proud because there were times when he belongs to me, when we share the laughter and tears together.

..saying goodbye is never an easy way to do

almost cried when i heard you say you want to stay besides me forever (sampai kapanpun)....

i never thought i'll be able to say good bye but last time i saw you, i said that and the cost for that? i broke my heart too.

there's a cost for everything, if i stay and choose you, i lost something and if i choose to say good bye i lost the best thing in my life.

i choose to leave, even this good bye never an easy way to made, but what is life after all? hidup adalah pilihan..life is a choice!

No need credit card

Senin lalu tagihan kartu kredit datang. Minimum ammount, 50,000 IDR. Total ammount 120,000 IDR untuk keanggotaan selama setahun, dengan bunga 3,25%
Selama gue punya kartu kredit, hanya 3 atau 4 kali gue pakai, selebihnya always used debet card. Tanpa berpikir panjang, gue tutup aja itu kartu. Ketika gue telpon CS BII, di tanya mengapa ibu mau menutup kartunya? alasannya... saya tidak butuh mba (dan jawaban ini sangat memuaskan mba CS) terbukti tidak ada lagi pertanyaan tambahan.
Tahun 2006 ini bentar lagi usai, bisa ngga yah dalam 4 bulan gue nabung 4 juta untuk jalan-jalan ke KL dan Sin or at least Singapore dulu. hehe..
I wish gue punya 100 juta aja, gue mau invest aja.. masukan dalam deposito atau main dalam danareksa.
Kapan yah tabungan gue bisa segitu????

thank God i found you..

if you keeping me warm each and every night i'll be alright !
and now i'm thankfull because i found you here, completed my whole life. looking back the years, now i realized something happen in the purpose.
even masih belum jelas kapan dan bagaimana paling tidak satu tahapan telah usai, yaitu pacaran di dunia maya. Huahaha..so finally he's back to the country where poverty is the common things.
tahapan-tahapan yang laen sepertinya lebih simple, just wait and relax everything is gonna be okay! that's what i believe, i know that i don't expect much but i love the way he smile, his tender voice can make me smile too. i enjoy his companion but i know he can make me feel 'burn' and it's enough for me.

the x-files..mantan mantan (tersayang)

a week full of temptation and so much fun :D & yes still i enjoy the game that continue playing :P
a long time ago after second broke up with the same (mantan) i prayed to God that i don't want to see him again not until i have a new bf. silly prayers isn't?
and then time brought me met a new guy that so nice, and we started to go dated and when finally he asked to be my bf, i feel i will make a bad decission if i stay with him. i didn't feel i miss him when he's not around, i feel we just stays as a friend. and as i predict before he will not waiting for long to find a new girl, but we still a good friend, we keep in touch and he played a good host when i visited him. isn't great? and then my notte mind curious to find out if i still in his heart or not, then i got conclusion he's move on and continue life. i'll be happy if he's happy specially when he's found out someone that could cherish him and love him as he want to be.
the other mantan..i have a short crush with more than one guy but now i don't feel it relevant to discuss it because we just go on dated and decide we can't move on to another level.
finally i met a new and old guy, i've known him before, and we try to go on date but until now we didn't go for a date :P
something that makes me dare to dream again, i miss him if he's not around, and i feel something the last time we meet before he's leaving..something that i can't described it (not yet)
sometimes i feel unsure but i never let my doubt wraped me, everytime i feel that way, i prefer to think positively. but temptation comes when we less expect it :P one day he said he feels unsure (ragu) because of that i realized i walk to fast and i leave him behind. he's a kind of person who starts falling in love in a slow way! and i'm a big believer that love at first sight can be happen!
and i think i meet someone that knocks me off. i finally found someone that i want to hug and be besides him each day. i try not to gave him attention because i don't want to start falling to him until i can't hide anymore that the feeling is going strong.

cinta itu seperti permainan menakutkan di pekan raya--sewaktu di dalamnya kau ingin keluar, dan ketika di luar kau ingin segera masuk kembali.
"rasanya amat menyenangkan bisa bersama seseorang yang membuatku tertarik tapi di sisi lain aku takut kau akan membuatku patah hati" (dikutip dari buku the ex-files mantan-mantan tersayang oleh Jane moore)

great july, great sale, travel til you drop

not just sale, big discount held in july, since july is a summer, for most of the people living on earth, july is a love month, when love starts on summer and ended in winter? i hope not..not at all. remember positive thinking, you can be what ever you wanna be.
last july, i went traveling (which is one of my hobbies) with cousins and a friend of mine. jakarta tour, bogor, bandung tour and at the end of july i went to bogor again.

...anything could happen...

What makes you feel comfort aja, it's fine with me honey. Trying to think positive in everything I do, I just enjoy the moment.
I don't know the future but I know, God will not give me anything I couldn't handle it. Gue rasa Tuhan membentuk gue dengan caranya, yang in time I will know it, dengan masalah-masalah yang gue temui, dengan pilihan-pilihan yang disediakan.
So, if you are the one, that I will choose, I believe we could work it out.
You are so vulnerable, so that's why I can't ask more and more. It's enough to be thankfull for everything happens in my life.
To where you are..I'm everything I am because you love me.
For made me woke up earlier, for calling me at 2 AM or 5 AM in the morning, for holding my hands in your arms, for kissing me and hugging me. For making me buying a new dress to attend some parties, for made me shampoo my hair everyday so you can sniff at, and for made me waiting your sms and calls, for every words 'sayang' that comes out from your lips, I cherish everything you gave to me.

Hold on one more day..

aaaahhh..

satu hari lagi

bertahan

berpikir positif

membayangkan yang indah aja

full of love

i just want one more day dan seperti hari ini

my cell start beeping and I know someone out there miss me

aaah...

one more day

I wanna feel like this

forever....

Reason to Like a Woman

A friend of mine forward a beautiful words with a title Reason to like a Woman.
It begins from...
U CAN FEEL HER CARE IN FORM OF SISTER
U CAN FEEL HER WARMTH IN FORM OF A FRIEND
U CAN FEEL HER PASSION IN FORM OF A BELOVED
U CAN FEEL HER DEDICATION IN FORM OF A WIFE
U CAN FEEL HER DIVINITY IN FORM OF A MOTHER
U CAN FEEL HER BLESSINGS IN FORM OF GRANDMOTHER
yet she is so tough too, her heart is so tender, so NAUGHTY, so sharing, so melodius.

I'm a woman and today I feel blessed because I'm a woman, I think I'm so lucky too ! plus knowing that God still loves me even when I'm not tough, tender and so Naughty.

..what would i do without you?..

"when you falling in love with your best friend.. "

Here with some comments I quote from indiatimes.com
My best friend would know me very well. She would know when I feel the need to be left alone and when I need her warmth and company.Similarly I would know her habits and ways of life.. the best part is that we both would know each other as a person very well.. so we won't have to face nasty surprises.In my opinion, a deep bond of friendship is the best foundation for the future.

"I married my best friend. We were best of friends for more than a year, when we asked the question 'Why not'. We hit it out great, understood each other and liked one another very very much. There was no reason to seek another partner, when I already knew Ms Perfect. We married not because we were the best of friends or believed that best friends should get married, but because it made sense to us. I don't advise others either way - just do what you feel is right."

"Hmmm... I wouldn't mind marrying my best friend. If we can be best friends, we'd be confident about getting along as marital partners too. And at the end of the day, marriage is about understanding, loving and living, right?" -

---
so why must be different between relationship and friendship? for me if the relationship is over it's okay because having him as a friend would be enough..i believe we could work it out coz in every relations starts from a friend, when love is run out, what is the bind that keep the relations? it is a FRIENDSHIP. after being a friend for so long and involved with someone more than twice relationship there's nothing wrong to falling in love with your best friend. after all if life is a road and we have to go through some intersections, when you turn out your face, he's there..admiring you, supports you, and gives his best time to you.

to a special friend..

Any girl who standing besides you, she must be very proud of you, if she's not, don't be sad, cause there's nothing wrong with you. Let me tell about you: You are sweet and caring, a good companion, you have a good heart & attitude, you are smart and tender, you are genuine, and you are handsome.
So if she's not proud to be with you, remember this..just forget that girl, one day she will come after you and said : she regret she dumped you, and that time you have a happy life with someone that realized how vulnerable you are.

Drowning..

somebody told me..i have to let u know
that u still in my heart
nobody knows what I'm going thru..
why you leave me hanging..
don't keep me hanging
I'm running in the empty road
and you are not there
what happen to the promise we have made?
somebody tell me what I've should do
I'm drowning in my misery

SPLASH JULY

Showing Jakarta, Bogor and spent one night at Bandung, July 2nd till July 5th 2006.

Hurrraaaaaayyyyy...I'm on vacation..

So this is love?

Dia katakan, punya pacar itu 'masalah' dan aku bilang tidak punya pacar juga masalah. As long as we lived there always been a trouble and problems to solved.
Last night I keep repeating what he said..the things that matters to me, important thing, something that nowdays people think it doesn't matters anymore. I hate to accept that he agreed with most of the people living in this world. But what can I do? if he thinks that way and keep asking that..he might be soon loosing me.
So this is love? when you love someone deeply and honestly? but for one reason you can't compromised anymore. It's not done yet..

U are my hopes & doubts

a little bit each day, everytime the doubts starting to control my emotions, i said a little prayer.
hoping that this hopes not ended hopelessly.
sometimes i was so sure with this feeling and sometimes i got weak when i see the future.
Oh..angel would you please lend me a wing so i could feel a little believe in my soul?
give me your wings so i could back to the future to see that this way is the right path for me?
i want a long lasting happiness..
but what's the meaning of happiness?

• if my family happy, then i can say i have a happy life?
• if i get the dreaming job?
• if i have much money to spend?
• if i have a handsome and loyal husband?
• if i have a beautiful house?
• if i have my own business?
• if i enjoy the time i spent with family and friends?

or maybe when i have a good health and job and still have a money in purse to spend?

Jatuh Cinta ternyata...

jatuh cinta?

hmm..kuncinya manajemen diri. "if you know when to reach and when to be far from love you will be safe."
people breaking up and then falling in love again, it's too ordinary to this world. sometimes you miss with the feeling being in love to somebody and sometimes you feel a bit tired loving someone. specially when someone that you care sometimes gives you a wrong impression or a mixed hint. sometimes you start clueless but sometimes in your heart you feel so sure with his love. one thing that people in love sometimes forgot, they expect more than they can ask for.
so why people get blue? when the reality doesn't match with their expectation!

The More I know You..The more I L U

I love you honey, I never thought I could write this title on my own blog. I thought I never able to say this words again. But I know now the meaning of it, to love is to give your time, thought and action and when love decide to go you can't do anything unless saying good bye to those memories.
Everytime I feel unsure or when my heart doubted it..I decide not to think about and stop analyzing. Because I learn if I keep thinking this not going well it will ended soon, so now I keep my positive mind hoping this time I can spend the rest of my life with him. It's to early? I don't know but I have a little faith he will keep his words.
So..the days has turn into a new month..and I'm proud to say the more I know him the more I love him. I noticed he has a good sense of humour (iseng bin usil) he likes to teased me and he is sensitive, and whenever he's part from me, I miss him.

..apa maumu?

Lalu mau apa lagi? stop dulu kali yak? setelah banyak tenaga dan waktu tercurah hanya dan untuk dia. Saatnya habiskan waktu untuk teman, makanan dan buku romantis.
I wanna dream and sleep all day...
kelihatannya gue terlalu semangat, saatnya nyante aja bleh..enjoy your time!
ke salon, ke rental novel..trus matikan ponsel hmmm sounds great

unfinish project (life)

"hati-hatilah dengan angan-anganmu, karena angan-anganmu akan menjadi kenyataan"..
It's true as long as we live we have to be ready to finish one project to another project.
Sometimes the project is finished right on time but sometimes we need more time and effort to finish an easy project.
every years perhaps we make a list like what we want to achieve and what we want to fix it, and after sometime when we finally did it, then we start to make another list. That's life..
life is a simple if we think that way, my imagination is having a good job and then owned business, of course family with 2 or 3 kids with husband adore n love me so much and a cozy house. but maybe after i achieved that, i start to make another wish..

...i'm falling for you..

This title just comes up when the girl next to me start to sing a song from Korean female artist, and part of the lyrics is I’m falling for you…
I wanna fall n fall with the same person each day, I don’t want this feeling ended not until the last day of my life. Even if his head becoming bald..I still fall for him. That’s my wish and I learn most of our wish is becoming our fate when we intend to be.
So I hope this feeling growing just like a nail each day, little by little but sure and I hope he stay falling for me till the last breath of my life :D
ADN

..si helm merah..

(cerita di bawah ini fiktif belaka, bila ada kemiripan dengan orang, tempat dan waktu bukan karena unsur kesengajaan)

Cerita ini tentang seorang lelaki berhelm merah, yang harus kuakui telah mengisi relung hatiku dengan sejumput harapan. Bahwa hidupku tidak akan sama lagi tanpa kehadiran dia.

“Halo Tika apa kabar? Gue Jonathan, gue dapat nomor elo dari Fredi”
Tika membalas : “Masih donk, elo kan yang dulu suka gigitin plastik :D gue baik”
Keesokan harinya, Jonathan menelepon dari kantor akhirnya empat hari setelah sms pertama Jon. Mereka pergi berkencan.
Sepuluh tahun yang lalu gue pertama kali mengenal Jon, seorang cowo yang cuek, dan apa yah? ngga banyak yang bisa diingat, karena tidak ada kesan yang mendalam. Hanya seorang cowo yang kebetulan kakak kelas gue. Kebetulan juga teman-teman gue juga teman-teman Jon.
Setelah kencan pertama, dilanjut dengan sms, telpon-telponan dan kemudian kencan kedua.
Nomor 59 tertera di layar ponsel Tika, loh koq dia telpon lagi, barusan dia telpon gue kan.
”Eh, Tika sori tadi gue lupa tanya, elo mau ngga kalo diajak nonton”
” Mau dong, kapan?” ”Yah kapan-kapan huehehe, ntar dikabarin lagi ya”
Sabtu malam..
(Tika): Mo keluar malas, koq Jon ngga sms gue yah.
Ngga lama, sms dari nomor 02168.. ”enak yang lagi resepsi, lagi makan enak ya”
Gue bales reply ”ngga jadi, cuma ke rumahnya aja, lagi dimana Jon?”
”Gue lagi di rumah saudara, selametan rumah baru”
”ngomong-ngomong enaknya kapan yah nonton?’
“Besok gue free”
“oke besok, deal?”
Minggu siang..
My second dating with a red helmet guy
Hmm it’s fun..he’s so nice and sweet. He’s a gentleman!
Does he know that I start to thinking about him, does he know that sometimes I’m afraid with my own feeling? I was not prepared enough to fall deeper.
I’m not brave enough to show my feeling.
(to be continue)

..Apakah ini yang dinamakan 'euphoria'?

euphoria=perasaan senang dan bahagia rohani dan jasmani

I wanna feel like this everyday but without unsure feeling.
I wanna feel somebody loves me harder than me,
everytime I turn my face I can see the person that I love,
when I'm gone somebody will be missing me badly,
when I get weak someone will give me a full support,
I want everyday my cell phone beeping with words, what r u doing? have a nice working day,
I like to have a cup of tea and thinking what he's doing right now,
when the weekend comes, somebody asking me going out for a walk or dinner,
a person who looks forward to spend his time with me,
someone that enjoy my companion,
Someone that seeing me in a special way.
above all..seseorang yang mau dan bersedia memperjuangkanku.

No need to hurry

menjadi manusia penyabar bukan hal yang mudah. kalau saja aku punya bola kristal yang bisa menunjukkan hidupku nanti akan seperti apa, mungkin lebih mudah?
aku tidak mempunyai bola 'magic' kristal seperti peramal-peramal itu, tapi aku punya sahabat-sahabat, kata hati dan iman yang membimbingku ketika aku merasa bimbang diantara dua pilihan, ketika hidup membuatku harus menunggu dan ketika semua impian terpampang di depan mata.
hendak kemana aku melangkah?
akankah seindah rembulan di bulan purnama?
bisakah aku mempercayai sekali lagi?
mampukah aku bertahan?
bersediakah dia menerima aku apa adanya?
kapankah waktu membawaku pada hanya satu pilihan?
i don't need to be hurry, and i believe in that.

...HUMAN being, Flash and Blood..

Menurut email yang gue baca kemaren, untuk menghindarkan dari rasa sakit (patah hati) yang dalam, kita (girls) jangan pernah deh berpikiran bahwa cowo kita sekarang adalah sosok pribadi yang sangat istimewa (duughhh namanya juga teman ‘spesial’) gimana seh?! Camkan dalam hati dan pikiran, bahwa dia hanya seorang ‘biasa’ yang tak lepas dari kekhilafan dan kesalahan.

Hmm..bener juga yah, saat kita jatuh cinta emang mimpinya yang indah-indah saja, ya..iya lah mana ada yang mau mimpi pahit (gggrrrrr). Semuanya menyenangkan, penuh dengan romance yang mengasyikkan dan berpikiran he’s the one that send from up above.

Nah..ketika sebuah hubungan turn “sour” apalagi ketauan kalo ternyata cowo kita mendua, sakiiit rasanya, diduain gitu lhoh. Ada rasa ngga terima karena ngga siap kalo ditinggalin. Rasanya seperti dihempas dari ketinggian menara dan terjun bebas tanpa persiapan? karena mimpi-mimpi yang kelewat tinggi? karena berpikiran seorang yang istimewa di mata kita ngga mungkin menyakiti kita?

So..we just a human being, flash and blood. Now you are in my heart and I hope forever it stays but gue bisa saja menyakitimu, membuatmu kecewa, marah karena gue juga manusia biasa. I love you honey..sorry beraninya lewat blog..hehhehe..I need time, okay…

i gave him a smile..

sunday morning

a very very sweet smile..
he didn't prepare to see me smiling to him, so he's a bit unsure, but anyway he smiling with me too, with his shy smile.
He likes to wear black t-shirt. I think he never noticed that once in the past I got chrush on him (huahahaha) now I'm not available anymore..really?!
my suitor far..far more better than him, what makes him so special? because he loves me.

..erase & rewind

(late at monday night) beeping :
mg lalu kita s4 punya mslh kan? eh skrg back on the right track. trus ntar ya depends on ur decission.
what do you do if someone asking like this?
rasanya seperti udah di hapus dalam memory pikiran & hati tapi ketika baru melangkah 3 atau empat ayunan..eh di tarik kembali.
I wanna say yes but I need time untuk menyakinkan kalo ini yang aku mau, dan juga melihat kesungguhan hatinya. Semoga he doesn't give up yet with me...
My dear Sis told me if I got principle I will not confussed, then my buddy ask what I feel about this guy? hmm I like him that's true, so he said then go lah..
but I listen to my heart..I wait till I ready..and I hope I will pick up the right hint.
I hope and praying..

L..O..V..I..N..G

"loving is not forgetting but how you forgive it, loving is not hearing but to listen, loving is not letting it go but holding on"

some advantages of being single

1. You are independent. Basically you can do what you want when you want. You don't have to wait, you don't have to ask, you can just go.
2. You have more time When you're single; you don't have to sit around doing nothing. Want to go to the gym? Want to join the hiking club? Play an instrument? How about watch your favorite video for 10th time? Want to take a course? Learn a new hobby? Who's stopping you?
3. You don't have to deal with another's personal habits. You can sleep without listening to someone's snoring and hog all the blankets all the time and nobody cares. You don't have to pick up after anyone but yourself. And you don't even have to pick up after yourself if you don't want to. Give your patience a well-deserved break.
4. You can be spontaneous Be daring! Do what you want when you want to and who cares if you don't get to dinner until midnight? Do something out of the ordinary, without having to get permission first or calling ahead. This is freedom!
5. You can focus on your career. You can channel your energy into your work. Without a relationship, you have a lot more time. Put in those extra hours and impress your boss, or take on new projects.
6. You are your own boss. Relationships need compromise and you don't always get your own way. Both people in a relationship have to give something up for the greater good of the relationship. Do what you want and treat yourself more. Selfishness is good for the soul (in small doses).
Don't stress! That special someone is out there and you can and will find them. It just takes time.In the meantime, enjoy being single. In fact, I believe that if you can't be happy being single, you will never be happy with your soulmate! Kind of like rich and poor.
There are lots of poor people who are happy and lots that are unhappy. Same with rich people -- lots are happy and lots are unhappy. Now what do you think would happen if we took a poor who was unhappy, and gave them lots of money?You guessed it! They would probably be happy for a short time, but it wouldn't last and eventually they would be just as unhappy as they were.Ever wonder why that is? Being happy comes from inside of you not outside.
OK, you are single -- enjoy yourself and that special person will come along before you know it!
http://www.bigdaddybruce.com

Kau pikir kaulah segalanya??

selasa, 21 Maret
06:12 WIB
sms dari +316262.."Aku ngga bisa tidur nih kepikiran kamu terus. Sebenarnya aq ngga mau nyakitin kamu, tapi aku ngga tau bagaimana caranya supaya tidak menyakiti kamu. Bingung kan?”

12:15 WIB
To : andw..@...
Subject : ngga ngerti
Dear Andw,
Gue ngga ngerti apa yang dimaksud dengan ngga mau nyakitin tapi ngga tau bagaimana caranya supaya tidak menyakiti kamu. Kata-kata yang klise! I still have a picture of you in my mind but you are right when you say “aku tidak mau mempertaruhkan hidupku dan membuat kesalahan yang ke dua kali. Gimana mau serius kalau hanya mengenal kamu di permukaan saja, you are free to move on kalau kamu pikir kamu menyukai orang itu dan lebih baik dari aku.” Those words hit me but what can I say.. the choice is made, I will go on my way dan menutup suatu episode dari cerita cintaku. I feel glad because you had telling me what’s inside your heart. As you said, tidak ada gunanya menunggu sesuatu yang tidak pasti. Lewat email ini saya mau bilang “if you are not ready to be hurt then you are not ready to give love”. Ngga usah dipikirin apa yang sudah lewat, toh mentari tetap bersinar, musim berlalu, ada saatnya cinta bertumbuh, mati dan bertumbuh. Kisah kita telah usai.
12:30 WIB message to andw..@... remove from draft to recycle bin.

Sebenarnya..

Sebenarnya nama kamu sudah terdelete mas..
Kalau kamu online terus aku sign out itu karena kebetulan, gimana aku tau kamu online, ID kamu sudah di delete. Nyesel? sampai hari ini engga, abiz aku cape baca kalimat-kalimat tersurat kamu. Diberi harapan kemudian di hempaskan lagi. Bahkan nomormu sudah aku delete, dugh kalo yang satu ini kecelakaan ga bermaksud menghapus semuanya, tadinya cuma satu nomor. Itu aja sih pengakuanku yah kalo ada sumur di ladang boleh kita berjumpa lagi.....maksudnya?! yaah kalo kamu menghubungi atau IM-in aku sebisa mungkin aku jawab.
Ketika aku bilang cukup..kamu bingung sendiri kan? iih aku menikmati sekali permainan ini.
Until then..

...Pakai sepatumu, pasang senyummu...

Maju terus pantang mundur..gunakan waktu seefisien dan seefektif mungkin, when you are in dead relationship just move-on, pakai sepatumu-pasang senyummu ayo cari lagi..
Mereka tidak akan peduli how you achieve something, hanya melihat hasil akhir, yang peduli terus siapa? yah kita sendiri, so jangan breakable donk. Walau pahit, hadapi dengan lapang dada..iih suseh yah berlapang dada. Walau suseh tapi bukan ga mungkin kan?

tu wa..ga pat..buang sakit hatimu nanti kami jenguk pasanglah senyummu pakailah sepatumu ayo terus maju cari pacar baru..ini kata-kata koq ngga nyambung!

kubaca lagi emailmu

Kenapa pertanyaan yang kelihatannya sederhana menjadi susah dijawab? apa karena gue bingung, ga pasti dan ga tau mesti menjawab apa? buat gue untuk menjawab pertanyaan yang mudah ini seperti membongkar kembali kotak tua. Hasilnya?
unbelievable..gue masih punya email dari dia dari tahun 2003. Hah? trus beberapa pertanyaan-pertanyaan singkat dia yang ngga gue jawab. Ketika gue bongkar lagi outlook express gue..astaga..dia masih memforward ke alamat email gue yang sudah lama sekali ngga pernah gue pakai. Ada saatnya dia seperti my morning call, kemudian waktu mengubahnya menjadi orang yang susah ditemui sampai gue tau kalo dia sudah menghapus nomor gue dari phone book-nya dan gue malakukan hal yang sama. Sekarang dia datang dan bertanya nomor hp gue.
Kenapa cerita ini jadi panjang gini yah..dan cukup complicated..
Apa yah sekarang ini waktu yang tepat?

Bertahan Untuk Cinta (ehmm ehmm)

terbang aku ke angkasa biru
terbius aku oleh pesona syurgawi
terlepas aku dan biarkan melayang indah
oleh pesona pancaran dirimu yang memikat lembut jiwaku
kuingin pastikan ini bukan sekedar mimpi
tetapi kalaupun ini mimpi biarkan ku terlena olehnya
karena ini merupakan mimpi terindah dalam hidupku
yang membuatku damai dan tentram olehnya
hadirmu memberi jiwa yang damai untukku
bagaikan singgasana emas di istana raja
layaknya permadani dunia disemenanjung katulistiwa
itulah pesona dirimu merasuk kalbu
ingin kumiliki dirimu dalam hati selamanya
bukan karena egois tapi karena aku mencintainya
mencintai sesuatu yang indah sebagai karunia Illahi
aku akan bertahan untuk cinta bukan untuk dirinya
dialah sesuatu yang tlah kutemukan dalam langkahku
semoga pesonanya akan slalu mengiringi perjalananku
oh....Peguasa alam takjub aku melihat karya-Mu
semoga restu-Mu slalu mengiringi langkah perjalananku

Created by

Richardo Steven B.

Timing is Everything (I refused to give up)

Those words seems perfect to describe my life recently. Started when I have a little discussion with Bo, then we ended in a conclusion..yep we believe in "timing". Let's say I really want to move to another job and company and I have applied for more than 10 companies, and attended some interview but in some reasons the companies still not hiring me. Is it timing isn't? I go for interview and I was so full of confidence but I'm not yet having the job. I believe the time was not right. But if I try and try again I believe I will have a new job as I want it but it takes time to be there.

The problem is some are giving up some are refused to give up.
Not in job matters in relationship I believe timing is everything, no matter how hard I keep the relations but if the other person in that time not considering as important as I am it won't worked. So it is right, timing is everything!

and honey do you think now is the right time for us ? I hope so because the feeling is still there...

Dia lagi..

This is my journal, this is my life, this is about Dia..
Dia yang pernah mengisi hatiku
Dia yang pernah membuatku kecewa
Dia yang pernah membuatku marah dan kesal
Dia yang pernah membawa senyum di wajahku
Dia yang pernah menyita pikiranku
dan terkadang semuanya kembali di suatu waktu..apakah ini waktu yang tepat?
Timing is everything..

Don't sway..I need you to stay

..aku menunggu sampai kau mau !

I know that deep in your heart the feeling for me is still there. I know that you still thinking over and over and wishing that we haven't a big difference. But my Dear..the things is only hard when you just thinking it and never have a courage to work it out. I'd like to conviced you when you thought it will be a big problems sometimes is only a small problems.
No worries no worries because life is about to choose..
I know you try to forgot me but you still don't succeed, I know you try to make a distance but you failed. Anyway many things can be happen during this year, maybe you will meet another attractive girl and maybe I am the one who have the key to unlock your heart.
Until then..I'm standing here with my words that I don't want to change anything in you and whenever you need a support I will give you the strength, and whenever you feel sad, I will make you to smile again, and whenever you feel like you are confused I will show you the way !

Kenapa punya BLOG?

"Gue heran aja sama orang yang rajin nulis Blog, kalau gue sih senang baca blog orang" itu kata teman lama gue yang sekarang lagi di negeri orang, nun jauh di benua Arab dengan profesi sebagai istri dan ibu dari dua bidadari.
Ada berbagai alasan kenapa orang suka nulis blog, yang pertama, kebutuhan untuk mencurahkan uneg-uneg, sebagai manusiakan lumrah banget ngerasa kesal, benci, seneng, nah ada orang yang menumpahkan uneg-uneg ke pasangan, teman, sahabat. Ada juga yang nulis itu di jurnal or diary. Blog kan pengganti jurnal/diary yang waktu jaman belum semaju sekarang kita tulisnya di buku yang tebal. (I still have 3 diary peninggalan jaman SMU & kuliah)
Yang kedua, bikin blog supaya orang melihat, dengan tulis di web, orang dari antah berantah akan lihat tulisan kita dan mungkin akan menuliskan beberapa comment.
Yang ketiga, nulis di blog memang hobi, mungkin memang hobi menulis? sama aja dengan orang yang punya hobi nonton film, kalau ditanya kenapa? yah pasti jawabnya hobi sih..
Yang keempat, punya kesempatan...walau orang itu hobi nulis tapi ga punya komputer, dan koneksi internet yah ga nulis di blog. Yang kelima, ga pengen dipandang ga gaul..hariiii giniii..semuanya kalo bisa pakai digital, masa ga punya Blog..memanfaatkan teknologi donk !!
mungkin untuk hal yang terakhir, banyak yang ga setuju dengan gue.

After all blog mungkin cuma temporer..ntar kalo ada teknologi baru blog ini tinggal HISTORY.

self portrait & on graduation day

Mountain Range..Pesona Alam--Bagedor

Sabtu lalu gue jalan-jalan ke Puncak, dan seneng banget bisa foto-foto di sana. Pemandangannya indah, tempatnya juga bersih. So if you want to go camping but don't want get wet and dirty, you could go to "Bagedor" Cisarua Puncak, located near from Taman Safari Cisarua this place I recommended if you want to spend your weekend with out door activities.
Besides that accross from Bagedor there are some villa in the area named Pesona Alam, but remember don't try asking to villager about Bagedor coz it useless no body know it so better asking where is Pesona Alam Villa, it's more famous. If you find that villa you will find Bagedor.

........Best Friend...

Last Tuesday I called my friend, and sad to find out she just had misscarried. She was so happy heared my news, I told her that I just have my graduation day.

Last year I have a big big lesson, what does a friend means? then how to maintain the ralationship. So I end-up with conclusion this relations sometimes bring you so much happines but sometimes bring you a problem. Life is a bunch of problems?

By the way, I have known Pinta since my college time, there were time when we so close, after we graduted and have a job we still seeing each other, then maybe because of her work, I remember she was so busy then she stop meet us, I have another friend whose name is Linda. For me Linda is like a sista...with her, I can throw my spirit of competition, so we put our relations first.

Well anyway our friendship nowdays going strong because we have through the years and problems, and this time she needs our support and prayer.

I think that's what friends are for.......for good times and bad times.

Although sometimes we fight and againts to each other but the ability to forgive and forget are the medicine to cure the hurted and dissapointed.

Friends Forever !!

Wednesday, 25 09:00 WIB

Di bus tadi pagi dalam perjalanan ke kantor dari rumah, gue berpikir untuk "absent" dari kantor. Cape banget man!! semalam keluar kantor jam 6 sore hujan terus hampir satu jam gue nungu bus ke rumah udah mau give up, last minute bus mayasari itu datang juga..akhirnya jam 8 malam gue sampai dengan selamat di rumah.

Terus ini pagi mau bangun rasanya maleeeeessss walhasil gue kesiangan, jam 6.30 baru keluar dari rumah..macet..cet untuk mencapai halte. Duduk di halte nunggu bus, sambil nyanyi berdoa menghilangkan kebete-an karena bus mayasari jurusan Depok ga muncul muncul. Srrrrrtttt tiba-tiba ada cewe maniz turun dari metromini looooh itu kan si Yuni..ternyata dia senyum ama bapak yang duduk di sebelah gue, terus dia nyadar kalo gue disitu. Ngobrol bentar terus bus dia datang duluan. Dari pembicaraan yang singkat gue tahu rumahnya di Kav. DKI...OOOo..

I was or still admiring his brother but never had a courage to..or at least trying to find information about her bro..wuaaaahhhh..

Many times our path cross, twice I remember but the last time I only shake his hand and smiling..I lost my bravery !! so until one day I decide to put her bro on black box, stop admiring him.

Pas dah dekat kantor gue baru inget hari ini gue beli kamera yang akan diantar siang nanti. Waaaah duitnya juga gue titip di kantor. Yahhh hilang nih bonus bulan ini, busyeeet jam brapa gue sampe kantor?? almost 9. Then when I arrive at office Ratih said she had put my presents card on the machine..it means absent gue ga merah.

Wooooooooo another surprise from God !!!

Thanks Father..

kadangkala hidup mengharuskanmu menangis...

Kadangkala hidup mengharuskanmu menangis tanpa sebab. Kau merasa sudah berbuat baik dan benar, tetapi masih banyak kritikan yang dialamatkan kepadamu. Kau mengira keputusan yang kau ambil sudah tepat, ternyata perkiraanmu keliru. Jangan putus asa! Bangkitlah!

Matahari tanpa sinar tidak layak di sebut matahari.Demikian juga dengan dirimu. Kau adalah matahari yang seharusnya memancarkan sinar, sekalipun mendung kelabu menutupi pandangan orang untuk melihat keindahan cahayamu. Anakku yang terkasih Aku sering melihat mu marah ketika kau melihat orang lain berhasil.
Untuk apa kau menginginkan keberhasilan orang lain?
Bukankah Aku telah menyediakan suksesmu sendiri?
Kau tidakpernah mengejarnya, jadi kau tidak pernah bisa memilikinya!
Matamu tidak terfokus kepada rancanganKU yang dahsyat atas hidupmu, melainkan tertuju kepada karyaKU yangluar biasa terhadap diri orang lain.
Jadilah seperti air. Selalu mengalir....melewati semua benda, menembus semua sisi dan tanpa batas. Anakku, jangan mau dikalahkan oleh keadaan, tetapi kalahkan keadaan !

Anakku yang terkasih.. Jangan sakit hati ketika kau ditegur, padahal kau merasa sudah mengerjakan yang terbaik. Sakit hati itu hanya akan membuat tidurmu tidak nyenyak dan perasaaanmu tidak nyaman. Buanglah itu dari hatimu dan pikiranmu!
Kuasailah dirimu sedemikian rupa hingga kamu bisa mengatasi perasaan diperlakukan tidak adil, dilecehkan, diremehkan ataupun dikhianati oleh sesamamu.
Bukankah memang untuk itu kau hidup? Untuk melihat kenyataan bahwa didunia ini yang paling mengerti perasaanmu dan menerimadirimu apa adanya hanya AKU? Jauhilah segala bentuk kemarahan, tetapi jangan jauhi AKU! AnakKu, ingatlah hal ini baik - baik. Aku selalu membuka tanganKu lebar- lebar untuk memberimu rasa aman, kapanpun kau membutuhkannya. Aku senantiasa menyiapkan bahu untuk tempat kepalamu bersandar dan mencurahkan tangis. Aku melakukannya karena Aku sungguh - sungguh pedulipadamu !!!

Ayah yang selalu mengasihimu...TUHAN

wisuda..

Dear Bloggers,

Next February 4th I will graduated from faculty of Comunication Science..and today I have a card invitation to attend the graduation ceremonial.
As soon as receiving the invitation card suddenly I remember the moment (2004) I think when a boy who that time have "crush" on me asking me to come to his graduation ceremony. I was so speechless cause he asked me to come to his city which is about 3 hours from where I live ! it's just a memory flash..and I never show up anyway coz I feel so indifferent. I don't think I have helped him during his study..ggggrrr..grrrr...and what should I do when I meet his family?
so this year I open with graduating from my college and then find a new job and hubby maybe?
wish me luck bloggers...

the hero would Be You

tahun baru, new resolutions, karir baru, new hair cut, new boy friend..everything is new?
i love 2005 but 2005 was over..and fourth day in a new year..
let's back to 2005 ...
tahun lalu tiba-tiba someone from the past, actually i never get to know him so well..asking me for second chance. i don't answer him that time but if he push me to answer i'll say there's no second chance, the last time i gave the second chance to a boy it's 3 years ago..waaaah..
then during last month i meet very interesting guy (stranger), the last one living so far..hmmmm
then third days in new year someone (my old buddy) proposed me by ym..hahhh!! asking to marry me, perlu brapa lama pendekatan? hoooooo..
well, i think i get chrush to someone, although i hate this feeling, coz he's not by my side..but i still can't move his face from my mind.