J.A.P.A.N here I come..

Next month or two days before my birthday I will be in Japan. Yes Japan here I come.
Ticket is ready and my passport currently in Japanese embassy to get the Tourist visa.
It's such an efficient Japanese, it only took me 5 minute inside the visa application office. Enter the office then press the queue machine and less than 2 min they called my number, then the lady staff checked and stamp and told me to collect on next Tuesday, 24 March. Very Japanese. Everything fast and in polite manner!

So now while waiting for the Visa, I need to search for information as much as I can because it's my first time to go to Japan. Seventeen years ago, I learnt Japanese and not so proud to say I failed miserably, why? it is because I got no interest in learning this difficult language. Three years learning, I got nothing. I gave up. I used to be able to read Hiragana and Katakana but after I passed the test, received the certificate, I closed the book and never look back!

Anyway this time I just want to be in Tokyo and maybe Kyoto as a visitor, a tourist, spending my Yen to help Japanese economic.
Meet a new people, taste an original Japanese food and see the magnificent view, temple, park, etc.

Japan can't wait to see you in a month. Mata ne!

Crush on YOU

My first post in the year of 2014 started with a letter C. Yeah..CRUSH. This feeling revisit me when I least expected. How can I get a crush with somebody that I barely know? Maybe because I don’t know him so well so I keep playing my fantasy (in my head) a millions time. Nobody knows and I hope I won’t do a stupid thing so I can enjoy my crush from farrrrrrrr. It feels like ‘hello’ what’s wrong with me? Really?? WHY must him and when I will get over it?

Last Friday we bumped into each other and as usual he asked about my day and when I said “bad day” he puts his hand into my right shoulder. REALLY? I'm so suprised but I like it. HAAHHAHA. This morning we bumped into each other again and this is the first time I notice the color of his eyes. OMG, we’ve been bumped and say hello many times but I didn’t realize he has a brown eyes.

During the weekend my life was (almost) as normal as it is, I went to Sentosa have a dinner, got an silly argument with hubby and then we make up. But then again I can’t STOP being a cyber stalker. I google his name. DADADA.. Not so satisfied with the information that google provided. I took another step, internet quiz just to check my feelings and the result is: Are you sure you have a crush on him? You may like this guy but it ain’t love your feeling. OH GOD such a RELIEF. My score is only 19% (if you're score more than 70% definetly you have a Crush).

I thought I’m going crazy with this NEW not SO NEW feelings. Here is the check list why (I Think I Got a Crush on HIM): He's HOT --He's Friendly (Warm) & Low profile and He's handsome. These 3 qualities enough to make any girls gone crazy.

Anyway...

If you happen in the same situation like me. Well it might be different if you are single (I am NOT). Crushes happen all over the place. Here are some techniques that can help you handle a crush on co-worker (from allwomenstalk.com): 1. Stay Professional 2. Don’t let Him/HER walk all over you – it means you might be tempted to buy your crush lunch or coffee and so on. Your crush might taking benefits from you. 3. Look the right way – you should try to avoid staring dreamily at your crush. 4. Keep up with reality. 5. Be realistic – don’t let your feelings get in the way of your common sense. 6. Keep COOL – Yes I need this. 7. Weigh the consequences.

I guess I will still have a casual (early) dinner with him, temptation oh temptation but I’ll make sure nothing is special and I have to get over on him and don't tell anybody. Enjoy but be safe.

Lunch topic

Last friday I went lunch with one of my colleagues, she's an Indonesian, young and beautiful. She told me that she got crush with somebody who's in the process of divorcing his wife and we ended up talking life after marriage. I told her that my biggest problem after marriage is my mother in law. Before I got married I always picture myself that I can get along with anybody, I don't have a problem with making a new friend, but I have to admit that there's someone that you don't have to get along with. It could be your colleague, neighbour or your own relative.

..SATURDAY Morning

Typing my 'cerita' on Saturday morning, 9:30 am accompanied by a cup of hot tea. I didn't realize that it's been a while since my last post. Last post talked about how I wanted to be a writer so badly. Here's the story, I've gotten the idea what I should write and my good friend has agreed to colaborate with me eventhough he's not have experience in what I'm going to write. But as months past I couldn't help bring my self to sit in front of my laptop and start to write. Okay..enough about a mission that not completed yet. Now what I want to write is about a life in a red dot city! my life..
My life is busy since I'm working full time and now have an apartment that I need to look after plus a husband that so kind to me. When in the begining of our marriage we have to strungle to adjust plus 'mom in law' in the same roof that make our life is colorful and full of drama. In the end we managed to put a side of our egos and live in harmony. Well yes harmony because now we have our own house. I call it a house but it's a flat actually. But it's good enough for two of us, big enough for us with a three bed rooms where the other two rooms most of the time are empty. I have a modest kitchen and a simple living room. These two place and our bed room are the place that me and hubby like to spend, watching tv, cooking and of course sleeping. It turn out that hubby's cooking skill is better than me. I like when he cook for me, every dishes is special.

The moral of the story is eventhough you care about your mom in law is a best that you stay in our own. You fell happier because you don't have to see her every day :)

HERE I AM

Over one year since I posted my last 'cerita'
Here i am..I have a job plus I have a beautiful house. I know inspite of hardwork, God always guide me in times of trouble. Now I want to become a writer, handmade jewelry designer, a busineswoman and so on and on.
I can make it through the rain..yes..I still remember clear as a cristal when I first stay in Singapore, people keep me down, people keep breaking my heart. But I know I can make it through the rain. Life is not always beautiful but those time reminds me to cherish every day that I have.
So people you will see and I will make you proud, I'm gonna be a writer.. I've been think about this for almost 6 months. I have to sacrifice my free time, my energy to have a book written by me.

Bertemu di januari menikah di desember

Hidup memang ANEH! Tidak pernah terbayangkan sebelumnya menikah dengan orang yang gue temui di dunia maya. mulai Sabtu tgl 8 Des 2007 i will spend the rest of my life with 'someone' yang 12 bulan lalu strange buat gue.
Gue berharap keputusan ini yang terbaik, dan memang gue selalu berpikir ini yang terbaik sekarang ini. Tapi mendapat jodoh dari suku, race, nationality yang berbeda tak pernah terbayangkan sebelumnya.
Jalinan cinta yang penuh perjuangan!
Sekarang ini keinginan gue, dapat pekerjaan yang menghasilkan tapi tidak menguras banyak waktu dan tenaga tetapi duitnya lumayan. Punya suami yang setia, dan baik hati, dan lekas-lekas punya rumah sendiri ngga serumah lagi sama mertua. Punya baby yang sehat, lucu dan mendapat curahan kasih sayang yang cukup dari papa,mama and kakek-neneknya. Hmmmmm..masih banyak juga yah keinginan gue.
seiring umur bertambah keinginan kita bertambah juga. Di usia yang 28 punya kekasih hati yang mengerti keinginan gue walau agak cerewet sangat menyenangkan. Tuhan itu baeeek banget menanti sekian tahun dan mendapat mirip yang gue inginkan walau ngga semuanya seperti yang gue dambakan.
Cukup sudah...
Akhirnya kita berkomprmi dengan keadaan saja itu lebih indah, daripada mencari dan mencari tanpa menyadari yang kita cari itu ternyata sosok yang sempurna.
Just follow ur heart listening to it and keet it balance with your logcal.
U'll be SAVE !

Lepas Landas

Tak pernah terbayangkan akan kutemukan tantangan seperti ini. Harapanku semua orang berbahagia dengan keputusanku, namun satu per satu ombak menyapu kedua kakiku hingga membuatku semakin kencang menampakan kedua kakiku pada pasir yang malah membuatku terperosok.
Tak ada seorangpun mendukungku, apakah salah bila aku mempunyai mimpi dan aku berjuang menggapai mimpiku? apakah aku salah bila aku mencintai seseorang yang jauh dari sempurna? apakah aku salah bila aku tidak mau memakai simbol-simbol tradisi yang membelenggu? aku tak mau sedih, namun aku kecewa dengan sikap yang mereka tunjukkan. Semua perbincangan yang aku jalin sepertinya tidak mereka artikan dengan baik dan tanggapi dengan serius. Mereka seperti pada posisi THEM VERSUS ME.

Aku menghormati kalian namun kali ini aku mau lepas landas, karena aku punya mimpi..
Bila mimpi itu sudah memanggil segenap sanubariku, kan kujalani walau kuharus tinggalkan kalian.
Rasa kasih yang mereka tunjukkan membuatku tersudut dan aku tak mau itu. Dalam musim kehidupanku, aku mau kepakkan sayapku untuk terbang dimana ada sebuah mimpi yang kan kuwujudkan.
Saat ini aku tak mau lagi banyak berbicara, I'll bite my tounge and I keep it only for myself. Kalian harus menyadari bahwa diriku hanya perlu dipahami bahwa aku punya kebutuhan dan mimpi sendiri.
Bagai sebuah pesawat yang akan take off, just let me go!
Aku mengerti kalian bersikap seperti itu karena kalian tidak mau aku mengambil keputusan yang salah. Kalian tak mau mendukung karena kalian tidak mau disalahkan. Namun dari situ aku mengerti kalian tidak mempercayaiku bila aku bisa mengambil keputusan yang bertanggung jawab.

sekarang SAATNYA

Mot, kau tahu bahwa dulu aku pernah sangat menyukaimu? Dulu aku berpikir kita akan menjadi pasangan yang sangat berbahagia. Mempunyai sebuah keluarga yang berbahagia. Setiap hari hanya ada dirimu di hatiku. Sampai semua angan-angan itu kau hempaskan ketika kau mendiamkan diriku tanpa sebab.

Lagu yang paling cocok menggambarkan perasaanku saat itu adalah lagunya Melly Guslaw yang sekarang ‘gantung’. Pernah timbul dalam benakku untuk mendatangi dirimu dan menanyakan kejelasan hubungan kita. Namun niat itu urung dan aku kirimkan surat curahan hatiku sekaligus pemutusan hubungan. Saat itu hancur hatiku, karena aku pernah merasakan sangat yakin bahwa kita akan terus bersama.

Kemudian engkau datang lagi, kau dengan berbagai cara mencoba menjelaskan alasan kau meninggalkan dulu. Hatiku terbuai dengan mimpi yang pernah kurajut sendiri. Sekali lagi aku meyakinkan diriku bahwa kau tercipta hanya untukku. Sampai di suatu waktu, aku merasakan bahwa kita tidak untuk bersama. Di satu sisi aku ingin merajut benang-benang rindu namun di satu sisi aku membencimu karena pernah mengantung hubungan kita dan meninggalkan diriku tanpa penjelasan apapun. Mengapa Mot, kau tinggalkan diriku selalu tanyaku waktu itu. Aku marah, karena engkau begitu egois membuat keputusan meninggalkan aku tanpa pernah memikirkan bahwa kau telah menorehkan luka yang dalam di hati ini. Saat semuanya berjalan dengan indah kau tak mau lagi kuhubungi, kau hanya diam saja melihat aku merana.

Mot, dulu aku pernah memohon jangan pernah aku dipertemukan engkau lagi sampai saat aku nanti mempunyai pasangan. Aku rasa engkaupun memohon hal yang sama, karena kita tak pernah sekalipun bersua. Mata, telinga ini dibutakan dan ditulikan bila kebetulan aku melihatmu atau mendengar suaramu, sehingga tak pernah terlintas sekalipun bayangan dirimu.

Sekarang saatnya aku tuliskan ini untuk mengenangmu dan menaruh cerita yang pernah bahagia dan berakhir pilu dalam museum kenanganku. Mot, saatnya sekarang aku berterima kasih pernah bertemu engkau dulu, karenamu aku mengerti bahwa tidak ada yang abadi di dunia ini. Aku rasa kita bertemu untuk suatu alasan dan berpisah untuk alasan yang sama baiknya.

..bad decission

sorry sis, i post this in bahasa. i'll translate when you meet me online.
once, i think i made a good decission lalu gue menyadari kalau hati gue terasa berat. kata hati gue mengatakan kalau ini bukan 'jalan' gue. Untungnya, setelah gue membuat keputusan itu orang itu menanggapinya dengan biasa-biasa aja, responnya jauh dari yang gue harapkan. so..dari situ gue menyadari bahwa ini bukan yang terbaik buat gue. 2 x gue mengalami ini. tahun lalu dan awal tahun ini.
sekarang setelah melewati ini semua, dan bisa menerima dengan lapang hati, baru terasa indahnya membuat keputusan yang masih bisa dianulir. untungnya oh untungnya masih ada kesempatan diperbaiki. setelah itu hati gue terasa lebih damai.

jadi kamu tahu kapan kamu membuat keputusan yang salah? ketika sudah membuat suatu keputusan tapi hatimu terasa berat, something isn't right. kamu tahu ketika membuat keputusan yang baik? ketika hatimu terasa damai tidak terbebani.

this post dedicated to the girl outthere who wants to make a decission

intuition

what do u know about intuition?

immediate apprehension by the mind without reasoning. The ability to see any event, any object from a viewpoint of the cosmic whole, from it's culmination - the seed, the flower, the fruit in relation to the whole. The knowing of something without prior knowledge or the use of reason.

buat gue, ini bukan luapan emosi/perasaan, lebih dari itu. lebih tepatnya kata hati (suara hati yang terdalam, yang kedengarannya lirih).

bangku sekolah selalu mengajarkan kita memakai logika/nalar, menganalisa dan tidak mengedepankan kata hati. tapi kalau kita berdoa, sebetulnya kita mengasah kata hati.

walau tidak pernah kata hati kita berbicara sangat tegas, namun itu yang menuntun kita dalam menjalani hari demi hari.

Walau, mereka itu orang yang baik, but let's say, kata hati gue ngga menuntun gue ke situ. Selain keinginan (desire of your heart) ada kata hati yang seolah-olah menjadi kompas untuk meraih impian kita. Gue bersyukur akan orang-orang yang hadir dalam mengisi kehidupanku, yang memang mereka ada karena mereka harus ada. Semacam pilihan, dan pada akhirnya pilihan yang aku buat akan kusikapi dengan committed, dan berani mengambil resiko.

Kedengarannya menakutkan, komitmen, resiko, dua hal yang penuh tantangan. Namun kalau mau terus maju jangan pernah takut akan tantangan.

Karena hanya ada satu yang membuat kita kehilangan akan kesempatan, karena kita membatasi diri sendiri.

MY HONEY

"I guess u having lunch now. So how was the meeting this morning?Hope u doing ok darling & not missing me too much.Take care and we will chat later.Hugs & Kisses"
i dont expecting that my broken heart will be healed very soon. it seems all the heartache is gone. i was hurted when i begun my trip. i was thinking that i could never love someone like i love him (ex)every night since the last time i met him, he always call me. if he doesn't i will be missing him much..
that's life when one relationship is ended, soon there will be another one.
since i met him, i know the word compatible. before that i don't care much although in my life i search the one who can accepted me the way i'm and we've got a lot of things in common.
i dunno why i'm enjoying my time with him.. is it becoz he's so passionate, he can taking good care of me?
or maybe this is the right time i meet him?
when so much question needs the answer. all i can understand there's a purpose behind this things. sometimes one person comes because he/she must be there.
and for that, i feel blessed.
now, he become my source of energy, becomes my strengthen when i was weak.
that's what we think when we falling in love, isn't?
hehehe.. the most important things, he brought the blue sky when all i can see grey sky.
with him, i don't think much about my past sour relationship.