MY HONEY

"I guess u having lunch now. So how was the meeting this morning?Hope u doing ok darling & not missing me too much.Take care and we will chat later.Hugs & Kisses"
i dont expecting that my broken heart will be healed very soon. it seems all the heartache is gone. i was hurted when i begun my trip. i was thinking that i could never love someone like i love him (ex)every night since the last time i met him, he always call me. if he doesn't i will be missing him much..
that's life when one relationship is ended, soon there will be another one.
since i met him, i know the word compatible. before that i don't care much although in my life i search the one who can accepted me the way i'm and we've got a lot of things in common.
i dunno why i'm enjoying my time with him.. is it becoz he's so passionate, he can taking good care of me?
or maybe this is the right time i meet him?
when so much question needs the answer. all i can understand there's a purpose behind this things. sometimes one person comes because he/she must be there.
and for that, i feel blessed.
now, he become my source of energy, becomes my strengthen when i was weak.
that's what we think when we falling in love, isn't?
hehehe.. the most important things, he brought the blue sky when all i can see grey sky.
with him, i don't think much about my past sour relationship.

kuakui..

Kuakui, terasa ada yang hilang menjalani hari demi hari belakangan ini. Sangat ironis memang harus menyadari bahwa keputusan besar dalam kehidupan ini hanya setipis dan secercah rangkaian kata YA & TIDAK. Hanya harapan dari Sang Pemberi Kehidupan yang menguatkanku (dan kuharap juga dirimu) untuk yakin melangkah menempuh hari besok.

GBU, dear..

-----
21:58 Januari, 18, 2007.

harus kubalas apa? kubilang apa? that I feel completed when you are here? that I feel something is missing when you are not besides me anymore?
tiada kubalas karena memang di hati masih ada namamu.. i feel that i couldn't love this much again but still i hope soon I could get over you!!

masih sendu

Masih sendu tapi bisa bertahan melewati 10 jam terakhir dengan senyum dan keceriaan yang sama biasanya dengan hari lain. Bedanya dia kini kulepas dalam hatiku. Masih sendu ketika mengenang waktu-waktu bersama dia dan masih merindukan candanya.
Namun ku yakin akan ada masanya ku bisa memandang dirinya sebagai sosok yang memberikan warna indah dalam hidupku.
Masih pedih mengingat dia menutup harapan. Tapi seorang bodohpun pernah menjadi seorang bijak.
Kubiarkan kupu-kupu itu terbang ke sana ke mari dengan pesona warnanya yang menarik kuntum-kuntum bunga lain. Akan ada masanya kupu-kupu itu kembali ke sarangnya dan berkata: "aku lelah dengan pekerjaan yang telah aku lakukan hari ini, maukah engkau mendekapku erat?" "biarkan aku melepas lelah disini"

kenangan terindah

mengingatmu sebagai kenangan terindah yang pernah aku miliki di usiaku yang menginjak 1/2 abad.
sayang apakah semalam kau merindukanku?
apakah kau dekap erat bantalmu seperti kau dekap aku?
pikiranmu masih sekotor pikiranku?
tanganmu, bibirmu, lidahmu, senyumanmu, tatapanmu masih membuatku hangat
masihkah bibirku, lidahku, telapak tanganku, tubuhku membekas di pikiranmu?
biarlah, bayangan itu menjadi kenangan terindah yang akan selalu kuingat.
if there's no turn back time. we should continue our life without regret in the past.

lalu mau apa lagi

kosongkan inbox khusus buatnya.
mulai singkirkan dia dari pusat hatimu.
perlahan namun pasti kau tidak lagi bertahta di hatiku.
berikan ruang yang lain untuk seseorang
yang mau mewujudkan mimpi menjadi kenyataan.
semalam itu
kau buat aku melepasmu
sesuatu yang penting dan berarti
biar kau rasa, biar kau pikir,
kalau aku punya cara tersendiri dalam menyikapi ini.
terminated saja rasa ini nantinya.
lalu kau akan bilang apa?
kau akan buat apa?

I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose

yup..i'm too shy to ask and i'm too proud to lose but sooner or later i gotta choose.
if i choose to let him go, it's not because i stop loving him but it's true time finally separated us!
i know i have to start to questioning where we will go after this, but till now i didn't do anything. only him in my heart, and if it's not because we're standing in the different world, i would never find any reason to replace him from my heart.
this journey going deep so does my love for him. i enjoy his companion, and i couldn't ask more than now.
but as time can't denied so does our dreams must be turn into goals, we can't stay the same as it was, there's a little change in our life.
i try to make a distance, but then he knows, and he start to be closer. i hope he decided for us, but i know he's got the same dilema as i am here!

welcome 2007, i still thinking about taking the easy way out. and as he told me yesterday the key word is COURAGE

termenung..

tiada yang kurang, tapi mengapa aku merasa tak menentu?
menyiapkan hati untuk pilihan yang sulit yang harus dibuat, tapi apa yang harus kukatakan untuk memulai ini semua?
mengapa bulan januari kurasa lama? tapi mengapa waktu terasa menggurita ku?
aah..aku termenung dan berdoa kau mau berkompromi.
jam terus berdetak, sampai akhirnya tiba di moment kita harus membuat keputusan.
Ooohh..mengapa kita tidak bisa menikmati begini saja?
apakah cuaca seperti bersimpati padaku?
matahari enggan memperlihatkan keemasannya, ah entahlah, alam seperti tahu kesedihanku.
melepas, mempertahankan itu yang dikatakan keputusan.
termenung menunggumu dengan harap harap cemas.
sungguh aku tak mau kau tahu kecemasanku.


untuk kamu yang membuatku menunggumu dengan kecemasan semalam.
apapun yang kau pilih, ingatlah kita pernah memiliki kenangan indah.

..just like a little gurl missing her blanket..

...aah today i miss my best friend, a lot ..lot.
i remember when we are playing together, we teased each other.
i remember when he said "u look so pretty in this gown"
aaah i miss you friend.
when you giving me a candy and you put it in my mouth.
when you holding my hand all the way.
when you watch my step, walk up & down the stairs.
when you put your hand around my shoulder..
when you smile because you intend to give me a flower.
just like a little girl missing her blanket, i miss you friend today.

I MISS YOU

I miss my boyfriend a lot today!
bukannya rasa itu menyurut tapi semakin bertambah..
He's called me at midnight just said he's thinking 'bout me..
yeah boy! you turn me on. i miss my boyfriend at friday afternoon.

..sahabat..

Btw kita da di level mana ya maleo2? Teman ato da sahabat ya?...hehehe…hehe. Ini pertanyaan butuh di jawab loh…

Pertanyaan yang datang dari salah satu sahabat cewe gue. Gue jawab kita dah di level sahabat. Tapi persahabatan itu butuh 'cost' bukan hanya waktu tapi juga pikiran, tenaga dan uang.

Mempunyai satu sahabat sejati lebih berharga dari seribu teman yang mementingkan diri sendiri.
Apa yang kita alami demi teman kadang-kadang melelahkan dan menjengkelkan, tetapi itulah yang membuat persahabatan mempunyai nilai yang indah.
Persahabatan sering menyuguhkan beberapa cobaan, tetapi
persahabatan sejati bisa mengatasi cobaan itu bahkan bertumbuh bersama karenanya...
Persahabatan tidak terjalin secara otomatis tetapi membutuhkan proses yang panjang seperti besi menajamkan besi, demikianlah sahabat menajamkan sahabatnya..
Persahabatan diwarnai dengan berbagai pengalaman suka dan duka, dihibur - disakiti, diperhatikan - dikecewakan, didengar - diabaikan, dibantu - ditolak, namun semua ini tidak pernah sengaja dilakukan dengan tujuan kebencian..
Seorang sahabat tidak akan menyembunyikan kesalahan untuk menghindari perselisihan, justru karena kasihnya ia memberanikan diri menegur apa adanya.
Sahabat tidak pernah membungkus pukulan dengan ciuman, tetapi menyatakan apa yang amat menyakitkan dengan tujuan sahabatnya mau berubah.
Proses dari teman menjadi sahabat membutuhkan usaha pemeliharaan dari kesetiaan, tetapi bukan pada saat kita membutuhkan bantuan barulah kita memiliki motivasi mencari perhatian, pertolongan dan pernyataaan kasih dari orang lain, tetapi justru ia berinisiatif memberikan dan mewujudkan apa yang dibutuhkan oleh sahabatnya.
Kerinduannya adalah menjadi bagian dari kehidupan sahabatnya, karena tidak ada persahabatan yang diawali dengan sikap egoistis.
Semua orang pasti membutuhkan sahabat sejati, namun tidak semua orang berhasil mendapatkannya.
Banyak pula orang yang telah menikmati indahnya persahabatan, namun ada juga yang begitu hancur karena dikhianati sahabatnya.
Ingatlah kapan terakhir kali anda berada dalam kesulitan. Siapa yang berada di samping anda ???
Siapa yang mengasihi anda saat anda merasa tidak dicintai ??
Siapa yang ingin bersama anda saat anda tak bisa memberikan apa-apa ??
MEREKALAH SAHABAT ANDA
Hargai dan peliharalah selalu persahabatan anda dengan mereka.
Dalam masa kejayaan, teman-teman mengenal kita. Dalam kesengsaraan, kita mengenal teman-teman kita.

it felt so good

Remember the first day we had an argument, we apologized and then we compromised
and we've haven't argued since. Remember the first day we stopped playing games
Remember the first day you fell in love with me
Those words taken from Destiny's Child song with title Brown eyes. Although his eyes not brown but the way he cares about me so special, and I care 'bout him a lot too. I've been falling in love before but never felt like this before. I can see this feeling growing like a nail each day. I never expected this much and this far, and I don't want 100% confidence with this feeling, but each time I see his smile, the feeling start growing.
Although before, i try to hide this feeling, try to burned it, but I failed. Also there were times we had some argument but then we apologized, and starting all over again. He seems not giving up with me and I do my best to keep my good score in his eyes.
I don't know why it felt so good and..
Maybe this is it I finally find the one to be with every day?

This is i promised to you

last night got time to think about the way we used to be and you are the one who stand as a friend for quite a long time. you are supposed 'just a friend of mine' and now turn out more than just friend. i'm glad that you can be a friend and a lover, the combination that almost perfect and this is what people looking in their spouse.
so, i promise to you: i'll cherish you, i'll be a kind girl and i'll not let you go away from my days..

i was kissin' valentino

kalo boleh kupinta, ku mau kamu
kalo boleh kuhabiskan waktu, ku ingin bersamamu
kalo aku harus pergi, ku mau kau menemani
bila ku harus berpisah denganmu, ku minta kau menungguku
haruskah ada rasa cinta di hati?
haruskah ada kebencian di hati?
ku ingin hanya menyayangimu sebagai sahabat
walau kadang aku mengecewakanmu
walau kadang kau membuatku jengkel
tapi aku tidak bisa lagi sayang sebagai sahabat
i was kissin' you
and i like it

untuk bo & my valentino

..Only time..

reading my blog again today, i can't believed i wrote those things in here. here is what i wrote a year ago.. many times what we have been predicted before never happen, or getting worse..but many times what we never wish for...come to our way and bring so much joy and laughter !
how come i've thought that way? perhaps it's called maturity? ketika kita bisa menertawakan apa yang telah kita alami di masa lalu.
only time who can heal our pain, and only time who can answer it, wethere we can forgive it or not. karena masih suasana lebaran, yang katanya bulan ramadhan dimana kita kembali ke fitrah (btw fitrah apa sih?) baiknya meminta maap dan memaapkan orang yang pernah menyakiti dan tersakiti, agar kita bisa membuat kesalahan yang sama? hehehe..
hmm..meminta maaf dan memaafkan sama sulitnya, karena ego kita, kalau nurutin ego pasti kita berpikir iih ngapain gue minta maaf sama dia or dia yang salah harusnya dia yang minta maaf. kalau kita punya banyak cinta kita bisa lebih mudah memaafkan orang lain. namun karena kita manusia yang mahluk egois yah begini lah kita, meminta maaf saja penuh pertimbangan dan prasangka.
But sebenarnya lebih baik mempunyai sikap tulus ketika kita memafkan bukan hanya lip service aja ketika kita meminta maaf dan meminta maaf.
maafin gue yah dengan segala kekurangan sebagai manusia.

adakah

adakah kutemui yang lain seindah bulan di waktu purnama?

adakah kudapatkan bila kuminta engkau di sisiku

seiring waktu yang terus melintas tanpa pernah berputar

kuingin engkau seperti teman seperjalanan

mengiringi setiap langkah kakiku

terus tanpa pernah lelah

mengayunkan kaki

kadang berjalan pelan, kadang berlari

jangan pernah berhenti

karena rasa itu terus bertumbuh

aku yang menyayangimu

100 % sure

Have you ever feel 100 % sure in making one decission?
Mungkin tidak perlu 100% yakin tapi lebih dari 65% yakin saja sudah cukup untuk membuat keputusan yang baik. I learn my lesson, don't make any decission that against your heart. Once your heart doubted it will lead you to bad choice.
Semua orang bisa memberikan masukan, saran dan pengalaman-pengalaman mereka, tapi in the end i listen to my heart.
Biar kata hati menjadi kompas dalam membuat pilihan!

..a long way to find the answer

i've been trying my best to make this relations stay on track but sometimes even a machine out of orders too. what about the heart of human? sometimes bleeding, sometimes colorfull, sometimes need to break to continue running.
i can fool everybody but i can't fool myself anylonger...
i need a time of my own, to listen my heart, so i can prepare for the next step.
why it takes me so long to have the answer of my questions and why now?

(stay committed to your decisions; but stay flexible in your approach)

good luck with your existing plan!

i believe something happen in purpose, it hurts a little when he said that things, it means he doesn't want to be included in my plan. but actions speaks louder than words. he can says a millions things about his plans but too late, he said that when the things already louzy. actually what is inside someone heart and mind it's the first time comes out from his/her mouth..
He's not trusting his heart to anyone.. and he doesn't want to get hurt anymore, but he did know.
and i learn a WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
this time i choose to walk away!

back on track

back on track..
that's what i do during this week, still i can't make any decission as i want to do, but indeed i make a good decission, and i'm happy for that.
last weekend i was feeling bad, as i move too fast but he didn't but now i'm the one who held the key. if he's leaving me, no problem, because i know i've done my best.
and by the way i like this quotation...
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. James C. Dobson

..........once i make a mistake..

kuman di tepi laut tampak, gajah di pelupuk mata tidak terlihat. pernah dengar kan peribahasa ini.
i know i make a mistake just like another gurl, and if i could turn the time i prefer to seal my lips instead of saying that words. i will rather lay back and relax and enjoy the time spent together.
..and now after what happen what should i do next?
i think the only solutions is being a calm girl, don't push too much, after all i know that i've done the best thing.
so now just wait and see and believe in time, with hope that time will bring me the good one.
i'm sure will....