..Only time..

reading my blog again today, i can't believed i wrote those things in here. here is what i wrote a year ago.. many times what we have been predicted before never happen, or getting worse..but many times what we never wish for...come to our way and bring so much joy and laughter !
how come i've thought that way? perhaps it's called maturity? ketika kita bisa menertawakan apa yang telah kita alami di masa lalu.
only time who can heal our pain, and only time who can answer it, wethere we can forgive it or not. karena masih suasana lebaran, yang katanya bulan ramadhan dimana kita kembali ke fitrah (btw fitrah apa sih?) baiknya meminta maap dan memaapkan orang yang pernah menyakiti dan tersakiti, agar kita bisa membuat kesalahan yang sama? hehehe..
hmm..meminta maaf dan memaafkan sama sulitnya, karena ego kita, kalau nurutin ego pasti kita berpikir iih ngapain gue minta maaf sama dia or dia yang salah harusnya dia yang minta maaf. kalau kita punya banyak cinta kita bisa lebih mudah memaafkan orang lain. namun karena kita manusia yang mahluk egois yah begini lah kita, meminta maaf saja penuh pertimbangan dan prasangka.
But sebenarnya lebih baik mempunyai sikap tulus ketika kita memafkan bukan hanya lip service aja ketika kita meminta maaf dan meminta maaf.
maafin gue yah dengan segala kekurangan sebagai manusia.

adakah

adakah kutemui yang lain seindah bulan di waktu purnama?

adakah kudapatkan bila kuminta engkau di sisiku

seiring waktu yang terus melintas tanpa pernah berputar

kuingin engkau seperti teman seperjalanan

mengiringi setiap langkah kakiku

terus tanpa pernah lelah

mengayunkan kaki

kadang berjalan pelan, kadang berlari

jangan pernah berhenti

karena rasa itu terus bertumbuh

aku yang menyayangimu

100 % sure

Have you ever feel 100 % sure in making one decission?
Mungkin tidak perlu 100% yakin tapi lebih dari 65% yakin saja sudah cukup untuk membuat keputusan yang baik. I learn my lesson, don't make any decission that against your heart. Once your heart doubted it will lead you to bad choice.
Semua orang bisa memberikan masukan, saran dan pengalaman-pengalaman mereka, tapi in the end i listen to my heart.
Biar kata hati menjadi kompas dalam membuat pilihan!

..a long way to find the answer

i've been trying my best to make this relations stay on track but sometimes even a machine out of orders too. what about the heart of human? sometimes bleeding, sometimes colorfull, sometimes need to break to continue running.
i can fool everybody but i can't fool myself anylonger...
i need a time of my own, to listen my heart, so i can prepare for the next step.
why it takes me so long to have the answer of my questions and why now?

(stay committed to your decisions; but stay flexible in your approach)

good luck with your existing plan!

i believe something happen in purpose, it hurts a little when he said that things, it means he doesn't want to be included in my plan. but actions speaks louder than words. he can says a millions things about his plans but too late, he said that when the things already louzy. actually what is inside someone heart and mind it's the first time comes out from his/her mouth..
He's not trusting his heart to anyone.. and he doesn't want to get hurt anymore, but he did know.
and i learn a WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ... When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
this time i choose to walk away!

back on track

back on track..
that's what i do during this week, still i can't make any decission as i want to do, but indeed i make a good decission, and i'm happy for that.
last weekend i was feeling bad, as i move too fast but he didn't but now i'm the one who held the key. if he's leaving me, no problem, because i know i've done my best.
and by the way i like this quotation...
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. James C. Dobson

..........once i make a mistake..

kuman di tepi laut tampak, gajah di pelupuk mata tidak terlihat. pernah dengar kan peribahasa ini.
i know i make a mistake just like another gurl, and if i could turn the time i prefer to seal my lips instead of saying that words. i will rather lay back and relax and enjoy the time spent together.
..and now after what happen what should i do next?
i think the only solutions is being a calm girl, don't push too much, after all i know that i've done the best thing.
so now just wait and see and believe in time, with hope that time will bring me the good one.
i'm sure will....

So it is.........?

i must let my friend continue his life.
one day without his news, his voice (the way he called me sayang sangat pas!)
we know something growing inside but too bad he doesn't want to comprimized
and i should decide, i can't continue waiting on his list.
so even it breaks my heart, the choose are made.
although part of my mind still questioning if i stay could he try?
but i know that i will be proud because there were times when he belongs to me, when we share the laughter and tears together.

..saying goodbye is never an easy way to do

almost cried when i heard you say you want to stay besides me forever (sampai kapanpun)....

i never thought i'll be able to say good bye but last time i saw you, i said that and the cost for that? i broke my heart too.

there's a cost for everything, if i stay and choose you, i lost something and if i choose to say good bye i lost the best thing in my life.

i choose to leave, even this good bye never an easy way to made, but what is life after all? hidup adalah pilihan..life is a choice!

No need credit card

Senin lalu tagihan kartu kredit datang. Minimum ammount, 50,000 IDR. Total ammount 120,000 IDR untuk keanggotaan selama setahun, dengan bunga 3,25%
Selama gue punya kartu kredit, hanya 3 atau 4 kali gue pakai, selebihnya always used debet card. Tanpa berpikir panjang, gue tutup aja itu kartu. Ketika gue telpon CS BII, di tanya mengapa ibu mau menutup kartunya? alasannya... saya tidak butuh mba (dan jawaban ini sangat memuaskan mba CS) terbukti tidak ada lagi pertanyaan tambahan.
Tahun 2006 ini bentar lagi usai, bisa ngga yah dalam 4 bulan gue nabung 4 juta untuk jalan-jalan ke KL dan Sin or at least Singapore dulu. hehe..
I wish gue punya 100 juta aja, gue mau invest aja.. masukan dalam deposito atau main dalam danareksa.
Kapan yah tabungan gue bisa segitu????

thank God i found you..

if you keeping me warm each and every night i'll be alright !
and now i'm thankfull because i found you here, completed my whole life. looking back the years, now i realized something happen in the purpose.
even masih belum jelas kapan dan bagaimana paling tidak satu tahapan telah usai, yaitu pacaran di dunia maya. Huahaha..so finally he's back to the country where poverty is the common things.
tahapan-tahapan yang laen sepertinya lebih simple, just wait and relax everything is gonna be okay! that's what i believe, i know that i don't expect much but i love the way he smile, his tender voice can make me smile too. i enjoy his companion but i know he can make me feel 'burn' and it's enough for me.

the x-files..mantan mantan (tersayang)

a week full of temptation and so much fun :D & yes still i enjoy the game that continue playing :P
a long time ago after second broke up with the same (mantan) i prayed to God that i don't want to see him again not until i have a new bf. silly prayers isn't?
and then time brought me met a new guy that so nice, and we started to go dated and when finally he asked to be my bf, i feel i will make a bad decission if i stay with him. i didn't feel i miss him when he's not around, i feel we just stays as a friend. and as i predict before he will not waiting for long to find a new girl, but we still a good friend, we keep in touch and he played a good host when i visited him. isn't great? and then my notte mind curious to find out if i still in his heart or not, then i got conclusion he's move on and continue life. i'll be happy if he's happy specially when he's found out someone that could cherish him and love him as he want to be.
the other mantan..i have a short crush with more than one guy but now i don't feel it relevant to discuss it because we just go on dated and decide we can't move on to another level.
finally i met a new and old guy, i've known him before, and we try to go on date but until now we didn't go for a date :P
something that makes me dare to dream again, i miss him if he's not around, and i feel something the last time we meet before he's leaving..something that i can't described it (not yet)
sometimes i feel unsure but i never let my doubt wraped me, everytime i feel that way, i prefer to think positively. but temptation comes when we less expect it :P one day he said he feels unsure (ragu) because of that i realized i walk to fast and i leave him behind. he's a kind of person who starts falling in love in a slow way! and i'm a big believer that love at first sight can be happen!
and i think i meet someone that knocks me off. i finally found someone that i want to hug and be besides him each day. i try not to gave him attention because i don't want to start falling to him until i can't hide anymore that the feeling is going strong.

cinta itu seperti permainan menakutkan di pekan raya--sewaktu di dalamnya kau ingin keluar, dan ketika di luar kau ingin segera masuk kembali.
"rasanya amat menyenangkan bisa bersama seseorang yang membuatku tertarik tapi di sisi lain aku takut kau akan membuatku patah hati" (dikutip dari buku the ex-files mantan-mantan tersayang oleh Jane moore)

great july, great sale, travel til you drop

not just sale, big discount held in july, since july is a summer, for most of the people living on earth, july is a love month, when love starts on summer and ended in winter? i hope not..not at all. remember positive thinking, you can be what ever you wanna be.
last july, i went traveling (which is one of my hobbies) with cousins and a friend of mine. jakarta tour, bogor, bandung tour and at the end of july i went to bogor again.

...anything could happen...

What makes you feel comfort aja, it's fine with me honey. Trying to think positive in everything I do, I just enjoy the moment.
I don't know the future but I know, God will not give me anything I couldn't handle it. Gue rasa Tuhan membentuk gue dengan caranya, yang in time I will know it, dengan masalah-masalah yang gue temui, dengan pilihan-pilihan yang disediakan.
So, if you are the one, that I will choose, I believe we could work it out.
You are so vulnerable, so that's why I can't ask more and more. It's enough to be thankfull for everything happens in my life.
To where you are..I'm everything I am because you love me.
For made me woke up earlier, for calling me at 2 AM or 5 AM in the morning, for holding my hands in your arms, for kissing me and hugging me. For making me buying a new dress to attend some parties, for made me shampoo my hair everyday so you can sniff at, and for made me waiting your sms and calls, for every words 'sayang' that comes out from your lips, I cherish everything you gave to me.

Hold on one more day..

aaaahhh..

satu hari lagi

bertahan

berpikir positif

membayangkan yang indah aja

full of love

i just want one more day dan seperti hari ini

my cell start beeping and I know someone out there miss me

aaah...

one more day

I wanna feel like this

forever....

Reason to Like a Woman

A friend of mine forward a beautiful words with a title Reason to like a Woman.
It begins from...
U CAN FEEL HER CARE IN FORM OF SISTER
U CAN FEEL HER WARMTH IN FORM OF A FRIEND
U CAN FEEL HER PASSION IN FORM OF A BELOVED
U CAN FEEL HER DEDICATION IN FORM OF A WIFE
U CAN FEEL HER DIVINITY IN FORM OF A MOTHER
U CAN FEEL HER BLESSINGS IN FORM OF GRANDMOTHER
yet she is so tough too, her heart is so tender, so NAUGHTY, so sharing, so melodius.

I'm a woman and today I feel blessed because I'm a woman, I think I'm so lucky too ! plus knowing that God still loves me even when I'm not tough, tender and so Naughty.

..what would i do without you?..

"when you falling in love with your best friend.. "

Here with some comments I quote from indiatimes.com
My best friend would know me very well. She would know when I feel the need to be left alone and when I need her warmth and company.Similarly I would know her habits and ways of life.. the best part is that we both would know each other as a person very well.. so we won't have to face nasty surprises.In my opinion, a deep bond of friendship is the best foundation for the future.

"I married my best friend. We were best of friends for more than a year, when we asked the question 'Why not'. We hit it out great, understood each other and liked one another very very much. There was no reason to seek another partner, when I already knew Ms Perfect. We married not because we were the best of friends or believed that best friends should get married, but because it made sense to us. I don't advise others either way - just do what you feel is right."

"Hmmm... I wouldn't mind marrying my best friend. If we can be best friends, we'd be confident about getting along as marital partners too. And at the end of the day, marriage is about understanding, loving and living, right?" -

---
so why must be different between relationship and friendship? for me if the relationship is over it's okay because having him as a friend would be enough..i believe we could work it out coz in every relations starts from a friend, when love is run out, what is the bind that keep the relations? it is a FRIENDSHIP. after being a friend for so long and involved with someone more than twice relationship there's nothing wrong to falling in love with your best friend. after all if life is a road and we have to go through some intersections, when you turn out your face, he's there..admiring you, supports you, and gives his best time to you.

to a special friend..

Any girl who standing besides you, she must be very proud of you, if she's not, don't be sad, cause there's nothing wrong with you. Let me tell about you: You are sweet and caring, a good companion, you have a good heart & attitude, you are smart and tender, you are genuine, and you are handsome.
So if she's not proud to be with you, remember this..just forget that girl, one day she will come after you and said : she regret she dumped you, and that time you have a happy life with someone that realized how vulnerable you are.

Drowning..

somebody told me..i have to let u know
that u still in my heart
nobody knows what I'm going thru..
why you leave me hanging..
don't keep me hanging
I'm running in the empty road
and you are not there
what happen to the promise we have made?
somebody tell me what I've should do
I'm drowning in my misery

SPLASH JULY

Showing Jakarta, Bogor and spent one night at Bandung, July 2nd till July 5th 2006.

Hurrraaaaaayyyyy...I'm on vacation..